Ian Smith Is A Virgin

This is Ian Smith. You see, Mr. Smith is president of the Oakland Zoo, which is apparently a good thing at Pitt. He was interviewed by the Post-Gazette on this thoughts about the upcoming Backyard Brawl. And of course, he did exactly what I expected him to do — make fun of West Virginia. But that isn’t all we found out…

“Look, no matter what, think about how depressing it is that after winning a football game and partying all night, you have to wake up and know you are still living in West Virginia,” said Smith, a senior bio-engineering major and president of the Panthers’ Petersen Events Center rowdy rooting section known as the Oakland Zoo. “I mean, what could be worse than that?”

Ian Smith comes off, at least in that quote, as a real hard-ass. Of course, from the picture, where he’s rocking Green Day glasses, an orange shirt, and a sharpie, we know that’s not the case. He’s very obviously…a nerd. Probably a huge nerd. I’m guessing, between his bio-engineering degree and his duties at president of the Oakland Zoo, he hasn’t had time to, you know, touch a woman. Ever.

But, of course, Mr. Smith has his Pitt fandom to keep him warm. Actually, it turns out, he’s not that big of a fan:

Smith won’t be at the game in Morgantown — he said he’ll be studying for finals.

Look, no matter what, think about how depressing it is that after winning a football game acing a test and partying all night playing dungeons and dragons all night, you have to wake up and know you are still living in West Virginia still lying next to your inflatable doll, which you named Stacy,” said Smith West, a senior bio-engineering major and president of the Panthers’ Petersen Events Center rowdy rooting section known as the Oakland Zoo graduate of West Virginia University and three-time fornicator. “I mean, what could be worse than that?”

[Post-Gazette]

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13 Responses

  1. He’s a dumb shit. He just doesn’t want to see sPitt get humiliated.

  2. He is such a virgin. And a douchebag. And a dick. I wish he were coming to the game. He’d be an easy throat punch victim.

  3. the t-shirt OVER the collared shirt is always a good look…… PSYCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. And it figures that the PPG lets that a-hole slip with the West Virginia comment. Goes to show you how well manicured their “journalism” is.

    Anyone who has to take a shot at West Virginia like that clearly has insecurity issues. You know when WVU dominates your school on a yearly basis, all that’s left is to take sterotypical bigoted shot at us.

    Thanks for showing us what class is all about Mr. Smith, we’re going to enjoy mopping the floor with that excuse for a football team.

  5. Back Yard Mawl ! Look for the Santas behind WV. Thats Me ! I represent @ home and away! And I have punished many Pitt-hoe Holes !

  6. He has to study? Saturday night?

    Friends, He is scared shitless to come to this game. I mean Cold, Clammy, Shitty Scared to show his “Zoo” off in Morgantown.

    He, Is, A, Big Pussy.

    Been to Oakland, downtown, in the O, with WVU gear all over. Me and the men. Not one thing said to us. Not one thing.

    Think that could happen to Pitt-ard Zoo Pres in Morgantown?

  7. Hey Charlie,

    you think Ian can do the big rediculous dog? In any event, why does this man have a pen on his shirt? Was he taking notes for his finals during the tv time out? Or is it used to write down dudes numbers that love his style?

  8. Jesus Christ look at those people! If it wasn’t for the matching t-shirts, I would think this was a still from one of those contemporary Christian song commercials.

    I don’t know why stylists say to stay away from yellow because it doesn’t look good on anyone. It’s clearly making those folks look just spiffy.

  9. The guy in the picture is making fun? Fucking retard. Nice polo/T-shirt combo. Pop your collar, playa!

  10. Well here is his email address if you really want to tell him how you feel:

    iws2@pitt.edu

  11. Thanks for all of your compliments guys. Don’t worry, this “Pitt-tard Zoo pres” will be down in “West (by god?) Virginia” for the basketball game leading all of my “zoo-tards” at the Pitt-WVU bball game.

    You guys took this way too seriously, I really have no problem with WVU or your state for that matter, as I said in the article… You guys really don’t get it, it’s all in good fun. But moving on, I am flattered that you wrote an article about a nobody “nerd” like me. I must say, you hit the nail on the head about me though… ask around the UofPitt about me, your opinions of me are “spot on.” You really are smarter than we give you credit, maybe I’ll grab my MBA from WVU after the game since I’ll be there.

    Thanks again,
    Ian Smith

    PS: I’m dissapointed on not gettin any emails about how your really felt.

  12. […] president of the Oakland Zoo, which is apparently a good thing at Pitt. He was also revealed as a 22 year old virgin masquerading as a shit-talking badass last November. Well, a lot has happened between that first profile and today, so we figured […]

  13. He can gargle my balls

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