If you want to read a preview of tonight’s game against Georgetown, I would advise you not to read on. Seriously, stop reading. Instead, go here, here, or even here. Once there, reputable journalists will tell you all you think you need to know about Georgetown.
But if you want the real truth, you listen to me.
First off, Georgetown sucks. Anyone who has spent anytime in DC knows this. Sure the campus is beautiful, but if you fill that campus with thousands of douchebags, you end up with a school that sucks. That’s just plain physics.
Then, you have the rallying cry — Hoya Saxa — which translates to “what rocks!” Of course, they used a Greek word (“hoya”) and a Latin word (“saxa”) to come up with this lame-ass slogan. Fantastic. How about this Georgetown: va te faire foutre. It means “go fuck yourself” in French. I didn’t need a second language to get me to that, either.
Georgetown also produced one of my most hated players in Big East history: Victor Page. Sure, there have been some other guys I would shiv if given the chance (Chris Quinn, Chevy Troutman, Troy Bell), but Victor Page is probably #1. I would spend a month sharpening the end of a toothbrush for that guy.
Plus, he was easily the ugliest of them all…
…which is a real accomplishment if you’ve ever gotten a good look at Chris Quinn.
Page has led what I believe to be a charmed life. He was arrested twice in high school. He left Georgetown early only to not be drafted. The reason he wasn’t drafted? He got high the night before his NBA workout and missed the thing entirely. He was picked up the Timberwolves, who cut him after he got into a fight and then lied to the team about it. He briefly starred in the CBA, but was part what is called the “The Christmas Day Massacre,” in which he took a broom from behind the basket and assaulted an opposing player. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention: he was shot in the face in 2004 and lost his right eye.
I would feel bad for the guy, except that he couldn’t get any uglier. Actually, the patch just makes him look a pirate, and everyone loves pirates.
So that’s the Georgetown I know and hate. Anyone can write a game preview, but it takes a real man to make fun of another man with an eye patch.