Crystal Ball Of Fun

There are only sixty-five days until the season begins and preseason prognostications are flying in from publications across the nation. Everyone from Pat Forde to stupid SEC fans wearing jean shorts have an opinion of what will happen this upcoming season. I’ve been in hiding these last few weeks crunching the numbers, punching babies, and doing copious amounts of barbiturates to come up with some predictions for upcoming season.

If you hate lists then this is not something you want to read. If you can’t read lists you graduated from Auburn. And finally, if it burns when you pee and your wife beats you, then you graduated from Pitt.

Enough of the nonsense and on to my predictions which always make me look like an idiot.

When Was the Last Time Colorado Was Good at Football?

If you said, 2001,  you are correct.  That was the last time the once proud Buffaloes lost fewer than five games in a season.  Since then, Colorado has changed from a coach who used sex to recruit players (and epically responded to a female kicker’s allegations of harassment by saying she  was an “awful” player who “couldn’t kick the ball through the uprights” ), to a coach who gave the world the following golden nugget.  I’ve already booked my flight to Boulder to see some Division One football…if not for the sex and drugs.

 

Disclaimer: The 25314 completely supports recruiting with sex, and in no way is inferring that Gary Barnett did anything wrong…except for all the raping.

I Don’t Care Who You Are, This Is Funny

Courtesy of MGoblog … who’s self-esteem is so low he has to ask for a link from this site.

One Lovable Ticking, Psychopathic Time Bomb

Spencer Hall, aka Orson Swindle, wrote something about us. Here is what I thought about it.

It’s difficult to talk West Virginia football without having someone throw a flaming object or whiskey bottle at you, and let me be the first to say, good for you, flaming object/whiskey bottle thrower. It’s that kind of passion for football that lands you in jail once every three years or so, keeps you checking the message boards and makes you the lovable ticking, psychopathic time bomb passionate football fan you are. With just a little more enthusiasm and a few more misdemeanor charges on your record, you could even pass for an SEC fan.

The only thing keeping us from being an SEC fan base is numbers. Hell, Alabama has us outnumbered 3-1 and Florida 14-1. Just think of all the extra jean shorts and attempted murders of children after losses that equates to — it’s absolutely mind boggling. And, mind you, neither of those offenses are misdemeanors. Jean shorts are punishable by death in some states.

The Mock Turtle on Ebanks, Jones

Billy Hahn, aka “The Mock Turtle,” joined other WVU coaches on a trip last week through Charley West (the town, not your author, because that would be gross). During that trip, he had some interesting insights and comments on this most recently signed recruiting class.

The most interesting was this little tidbit (and I’m slightly paraphrasing):

“Devin Ebanks is a great player, but the coaches like Kevin Jones more.”

This is not that bold of a statement when you remember Kevin Jones is the #29 ranked player according to Scout. Comments like this also put our recruiting class in the proper perspective.

That perspective? It’s fucking insanely good.

Our Long University Nightmare Is Over

ACC Raids Big East Again!

The ACC, the red headed step child of BCS conferences, has done it again to the Big East. But this time they raided the commissioner’s office. Yes, you heard right John Swofford has somehow convinced Big East commissioner Mike Tranghese to leave his post and take a position with the ACC.

This shocking news is quickly sweeping across the college sports world and really has people talking. Klempson fan Cletus Johnny was quoted as saying, “We needs some good folks up therrre in the big offices ’cause ACC football stinks worse than a hog on a wet Tuesday afternoon.”

2008 WVU Football Wish List

1. National Championship
2. Kiss a girl.
3. Have Pac-Man make it rain at Hummers after being appointed Interim University President.
4. Steal Dave Mustache’s wandstache right before the Pitt game, in the old college prankster tradition.
5. Have Pat white win the Heisman.

Marshall’s Season in Pictures

Actually, just one picture.

Unintentional Comedy Hour

All one really needs to do for a quick chuckle is simply look at Marshall beat writer Doug Smock’s picture. That picture is hung on the ceiling over my bed so the girls I trick into sleeping with me know that they could’ve done worse. However, after I give them my O face they realize Mr. Smock would’ve been the better choice.

Ol’Dougies looks can be mocked but I’m a nice guy so I will not do that anymore. Instead let’s take a look at his Monday column in the Charleston Gazette.

So let’s take a stab at an issue today – Marshall’s 2008 football schedule. Is it, as some would assert, too tough to handle?

Alright, after this he has write that Moo U actually has a chance to beat WVU, Wisconsin, and Cincinnati to give the alumni some glimmer of hope for the upcoming season.