Yesterday Certainly Didn’t Suck

At the very least, we beat Villanova yesterday. That should be reward in itself. But, as I see it, yesterday was a pretty damn good day.

• Bowling Green 27, Pitt 17
• Utah 25, Michigan 23
• East Carolina 27, Virginia Tech 22

That’s a full day of orgasmic defeats and upsets.  So while you’re busy bitching about the defense, just remember yesterday was a good day for the Mountaineers.  Think any of those three teams listed above would trade places with us?

On Location: Morgantown, Ya’ Heard

So there’s a vicious rumor going around town that there’s a game tomorrow. 

I didn’t want to believe it.  As far as I’m concerned, it’s still baseball season.  Or women’s soccer season.  To be honest with you, I’m still satisfied with my lingering Olympics high.  That synchronized diving really did it for me.  I felt that sport in my naughty place(s).

But, either way, I am in Morgantown.  If there’s a football game tomorrow, so be it.

Put The House On Me

[thanks, as always, to Dougity Dog]

Please Remember To Celebrate Responsibly

With college football season now just hours away, I though this the best time for a public service announcement.

There will be a lot of big wins this season, and at times, you may feel yourself wanting to celebrate. Like, a lot. Like with tons of booze, a can of gasoline, and a box of matches. To that, I say. “Go nuts!” Have fun. You’re young and you only live once, blah, blah, blah, etc. Just don’t burn my couch.

But, just as there will be big wins, there will also be big losses. Appalachian State’s win over Michigan Michigan’s loss to Appalachian State last year immediately comes to mind. As does Utah’s victory over Michigan Michigan’s crushing defeat to Utah this Saturday (remember, I can see the future). At these points, instead of celebrating, it might seem more appropriate to gently masturbate while sobbing in the public dorm shower. To that, I say “No!” And the University of Michigan agrees with me.

So no matter what happens this year — whether there be wins (see: WVU) or losses (see: Michigan) — just be responsible. Because couch fires are eventually extinguished, but semen related costs are forever.

[Blog of Hilarity -- thanks to voodoostick]

Hump Day: It’s F’ing Football Season!

Football season! Hooray! Tits! Hooray! I would love to see someone try to bitch about either of those two.

Seriously, Why Can’t They All Be ‘Nova Girls?

First off, let’s meet our author. This is Emmett Fitzpatrick:

Looks decent enough. From outside Chicago, so I have no beef there. Though he is an English major, so we should go into this thinking that just touching a girl’s leg is an accomplishment.

The reason we’re meeting our boy Emmett is because he wrote a piece for the Villanova student newspaper entitled, “I wish they all could be Villanova girls.” (This is what you find when you’re looking for hump day material.) I was intrigued enough to read the entire thing. Now, I kind of wish that I hadn’t.

Here are some excerpts on just why, exactly, Mr. Fitzpatrick wants all girls to be “Villanova girls:”

ESPN Definitely Hates/Loves Us

(Just for the record, this also goes for CBS, SI, Rivals, Scout, and every other news media outlet in existence, past, present, or future.)

This has to stop. Seriously, it has to. It’s the most annoying thing that I, as a Mountaineer fan, have to endure on a daily basis. What is it that I am talking about? This:

you see college football live? herbstreit hates us. fuck him.

Or some variation. It happens once a day, whether on the message board or by the water cooler. Sometimes, people will even call me to tell me about such a display on ESPN, etc. They’ll e-mail me. They’ll send smoke signals, carrier pigeons, morse code, telegraphs, or telepathy. But somehow, someway, they manage to let me know that ESPN “totally hated on us” today.

Here’s my response: “Yeah, I saw it.” Then I try to look busy. But do you know what I’m really thinking?

I DON’T CARE. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

About 95% of me wants to yell that in their face and kick their ass, too. But the other 5% thinks that the resulting felony conviction just isn’t worth it.

Remember, We Be On The Facebook

Since school started about a week ago, I figured I would remind everyone of our presence on Facebook. Currently, we have 259 fans, including myself. If you were ever desperately craving to know my identity, you now have a 1/259 chance of randomly finding it on Facebook. So join the group and go to work.

And always remember, the bad thing about Facebook is that there’s a lot of sexual predators….the good thing is that there’s a lot of sexual prey.

Blacksburg Meltdown In 3, 2, 1…

Sean Glennon is Virginia Tech’s starting QB.

[Pause for laughter]

[Pause for more laughter]

[My spleen is starting to hurt due to all the laughter]

And that’s not even the funny part.

Not only will Sean Glennon start for your Virginia Tech Hokies, wunderkind Tyrod Taylor is expected to redshirt this year. You remember Taylor, the guy who was apparently good enough to start games as a true freshman. Apparently that same player is now not good enough to even play as a true sophomore.

This will all play out in a press conference today at 1 PM, but Hokie message boards are already under martial law. It’s ugly, even for VT fans.

Official Big EAST Football Power Poll (Week #1)

There is nothing more important in college football than the polls. Polls are everywhere, whether they be polls of the media, polls of the coaches, or polls of other polls. Quite simply, they are the lifeblood of the sport. In fact, the games themselves are just a pastime until the newest polls are released (look for www.everydayshouldbemonday.com, coming soon).

We at WBGV, with our fingers so connected to the pulse of college football that we’re restricting its blood-flow, have decided to take action. Hencetoforthorsomethingorother, we’re starting our own poll.

It won’t be your usual poll. Nay! It will be the best poll ever created. It will definitively tell you who is the best team in the Big EAST. Why will it be the best? Because it will use random, non-football related reasons to come up with the rankings (hey, just like every other poll!).

The only catch: you, loyal WBGV readers, have to guess what the criteria is. Post your best hunch in the comments, and we will provide you with hints throughout the day.

1. Syracuse
2. Rutgers
3. UConn
4. Pitt
5. WVU
6. Cincinnati
7. Louisville
8. USF

Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch Syracuse and Northwestern Play “Football”

Syracuse and Northwestern open their respective seasons this Saturday, playing a game that could end the very existence of college football. Here is a list of things I would rather do than watch that game, as if the post title wasn’t descriptive enough:

• Have sex with the girl on the right.
• Colonoscopy.
• Help Rich Rodriguez move.
• Accept Dave Wannstedt’s invitation for a mustache ride.
• Watch Ohio @ Wyoming.
• Actually care what MGoBlog has to say about Mountaineer football.
• Extra colonoscopy, just for fun.
• Naked pillow fight with Pam Ward.
• Let Pat McAfee kick me in the nuts.
• Watch Illinois State @ Marshall.
• Drive Rich Rodriguez to the airport.
• Intentionally expose myself to harmful carcinogens (though, it could be argued that Syracuse vs. Northwestern is a harmful carcinogen).
• Not have sex with Erin Andrews.
• Watch James Madison @ Duke.
• Water Rich Rodriguez’s plants while he’s on the road.
• Third colonoscopy, this time without any anesthetic.
• Enroll in classes at Pitt.
• Dry hump a 2×4 full of splinters.
• Commit seppuku, a Japanese form of ritualistic suicide by disembowelment.
• Attend a NAMBLA meeting.
• Poke my own eye out with my 1998 Insight Bowl commemorative lapel pin.
• Masturbate to Brazilian fart porn.

Please, feel free to add your own in the comments.

The Kragthorpe Diaries IV

Note #1: This is Steve Kragthorpe’s actual diary. We can’t control the fact that he has a sailor’s mouth and is misogynistic towards women. We can only love him for it.

Note #2: Previous, even less polished editions of The Kragthorpe Diaries can be found here, here, and here.

Dear Diary,

Fuck.

In 7 Days…A New Era Begins!

By Popular Demand…..ATTACKLE!

They’re here.

Leave No Doubt! T-Shirts

We all remember this, right?

Well, now you can own a piece of Bill Stewart’s speech. In totally awesome, kick-ass, 100% cotton t-shirt form.

Also available in gold. And look for more t-shirts coming in the next few days. We want you to be well prepared for the Villanova game in under 10 days.