Please Remember To Celebrate Responsibly

With college football season now just hours away, I though this the best time for a public service announcement.

There will be a lot of big wins this season, and at times, you may feel yourself wanting to celebrate. Like, a lot. Like with tons of booze, a can of gasoline, and a box of matches. To that, I say. “Go nuts!” Have fun. You’re young and you only live once, blah, blah, blah, etc. Just don’t burn my couch.

But, just as there will be big wins, there will also be big losses. Appalachian State’s win over Michigan Michigan’s loss to Appalachian State last year immediately comes to mind. As does Utah’s victory over Michigan Michigan’s crushing defeat to Utah this Saturday (remember, I can see the future). At these points, instead of celebrating, it might seem more appropriate to gently masturbate while sobbing in the public dorm shower. To that, I say “No!” And the University of Michigan agrees with me.

So no matter what happens this year — whether there be wins (see: WVU) or losses (see: Michigan) — just be responsible. Because couch fires are eventually extinguished, but semen related costs are forever.

[Blog of Hilarity -- thanks to voodoostick]