Welcome, By-Godders, to the Thursday edition of the Shotgun/Throwdown, presented by, Cinderella’s glass slipper. Last year’s tournament sucked ass. No excitement, Cinderella runs, and the same two fucking teams that played for the football national title played for the basketball crown.
I wish there were more to say but I’m so excited, I just pee’d my pants. Oh wait, that was from last night when I was too drunk to realize my bed was not a toilet. I hate it when that happens.
Welcome, By-Godders, to the Terrelle Pryor edition of the the Morning Shotgun/Throwdown, presented by Buckeye Beer.
If you think tomorrow is about anything other than Terrelle Pryor, you’re kidding yourself. The guy is a spectacle and there’s simply nothing we can do about it. All you can do is sit back and pray to all that is holy that this kid chooses Ohio State (or Penn State). I hate cheering for either in anything, but the last thing I want to see is the smug sense of accomplishment that would be radiating to all points from Ann Arbor.
Welcome, By Godders, to the Tuesday edition of the Morning Shotgun/Throwdown presented by Alka Seltzer. There are some mornings I wake up and really regret the night before. Not because I danced on the bar at Gibbie’s and showed everyone my thong but because I ate Chinese food, drank green beer, took Irish car bombs, drank some Bud Light, then proceed to eat ice out of the bucket of Bud Light and ended the night with Taco Bell.
Now my stomach feels like it is on the spin cycle and I may throw-up before I finish this post, so on to the Throwdown…
Welcome, By-Godders, to the drunkenshit-facedhammeredtanked St. Patrick’s Day edition of the Morning Shotgun/Throwdown, presented by Guinness.
St. Patrick’s Day is one my absolute favorite holidays, mostly because of the approved drinking status it enjoys. I mean, Fourth of July and Memorial Day are great to get drunk — along with President’s Day, Flag Day, and Frank Stallone’s Birthday — but St. Patrick’s Day takes it to a whole new level. Plus, it’s about the only time where it’s OK and accepted to admit your Irish.
Welcome, By-Godders, to the Big East semifinals edition of the Morning Shotgun/Throwdown, presented by mead.
Why Mead? Well, that’s what they drank way back in the day, back when the original Alexander the Great was conquering the world. It’s also what I’m drinking these days as the new Alexander the Great is conquering the Big East. Actually, I’m drinking Miller Lite. To be honest with you, mead sounds pretty gross. But sometimes, if you want the girl to look like a 10, you’ll drink whatever you can find.
Welcome, By-Godders, to the Thursday edition of the Morning Shotgun/Throdown, presented by Garden Beer. If Doug Gottlieb still doesn’t think we are in the Tournament I will steal his credit card and buy him some talent.
After sucking for most the first half, most of the team showed the heart that I didn’t think they had for the remainder of the game. But if Providence doesn’t get stuffed by the rim on a couple dunks the result could have been different.
Welcome, By-Godders, to the hump day edition of the Morning Shotgun/Throwdown, presented by Mississippi Black and Tan.
Why Mississippi? Well, besides being ranked behind West Virginia in most national categories, Mississippi is also the home to some of the hottest women on the planet — well at least in Oxford, home of Ole Miss. Since it’s hump day, everyone should be expecting the regular dose of T&A. Well, today, you’re shit out of luck, since you won’t be getting that regular dose. What you will be getting is a ridiculous amount of Ole Miss poon, brought to you by the wondrous combination of bad judgment, narcissism, and digital cameras. Oh well, her loss is our gain.
Now, on to the Throwd…..
But wait, today isn’t just hump day, it’s also the first round of the Big East Tournament. Well, hell, if that doesn’t call for a “Girls of Providence College” post, I don’t know what does. And by “Girls of Providence College,” I mean all two of them. So get ready, because today’s a big day.
Enjoy the Throwdown, it’s the only sports you’re going to get on this site today…
Welcome, By-Godders, to the Tuesday edition of the Morning Shotgun/Throwdon presented by Kurt’s Dugout. I am presently setting up my early exit from work tomorrow by coughing loudly and complaining of a sore throat.
If that doesn’t work, I will just tell them I’m having another baby. At this point my place of employment has me down for 6.5 kids from 7 different women. Everyone knows you can’t get a girl preggers when she is on top, it is just gravity, so I’m fighting custody on one of those little devils. I also don’t think it counts if the girl was asleep at the time of conception, but the court didn’t buy that argument.
Welcome, By-Godders, to the Monday edition of the Morning Shotgun/Throwdown, presented by Brooklyn Beer.
If you’re off to the Big East Tournament, we suggest you check out NYC’s friendliest borough: Brooklyn! With 2.5 million people, Brooklyn would be the fourth largest city in America. To see the real Brooklyn, I suggest a quaint self-guided walking tour. Included on the tour is the location of Brooklyn Brewery, the site where Jay-Z first started selling cocaine, the hotel room where Posh Spice and David Beckham conceived their first child, and the exact spot where you’ll be mugged and beaten to within an inch of your life. Like I said, it’s very quaint.
Welcome, By-Godders, to the T.G.I.F edition of the Morning Shotgun/Throwdown, presented by Anchor Steam.
Anchor Steam, as you know (by the words “Made in San Francisco”), is made in San Francisco. San Francisco, incidentally, is the home of everyone’s favorite T.G.I.F. family-friendly sitcom, Full House. I have absolutely no idea what this has to do with anything, but I’m using it as an excuse to post a picture of Lori Loughlin.
I had it all wrong when I was younger. I was too busy foolishly staring at Candace Cameron when I should have been focusing on nailing Lori Loughlin. To be honest, I was 5 and wouldn’t think about “nailing” for another 20 years, but I still wasted a lot of time on Candace Cameron. Bullshit.
On to the Throwdown — though I’m still pretty depressed about how not hot Candace Cameron was.
Welcome, By-Godders, to the Thursday edition of the Morning Shotgun/Throwdown, presented by Natural Ice. You want a want a hangover and burning morning dump drink Natty Ice, eat Sour Skittles, and Kentucky Fried Chicken that night.
Welcome, By-Godders, to the hump day edition of the Morning Shotgun/Throwdown, presented by Schmitts Gay.
Due to the recent women’s suffrage movement, both men and women are now able to enjoy hump day. We are also legally obligated to provide women-friendly content at least once a year. So as to not draw the wrath of feminists, gay men, and Anne Heche, we’re running with the alternative theme today*.
OK, enough legal jargon…on to the Throwdown!
* Note: Just kidding. We’ll be back with the regular dose of T&A later today.
Welcome, By-Godders, to the Monday edition of the Morning Shotgun/Throwdown, presented by Flying Fish Brewing Company. I was absent for few days and I know you’re all sad to see me back but deal with it because I’m back. Don’t call it a comeback…
Note: We apologize for our absence yesterday. Please forgive us.
Welcome, By-Godders, to the Friday edition of the Morning Shotgun/Throwdown, presented by the Chicago Beer Society.
If you didn’t know by now, DePaul is in the city of Chicago. It’s alright if you didn’t know that. By the looks of the crowd Wednesday night, the city of Chicago doesn’t know either. They were probably busy doing other, more important things. Like taking in a Blackhawks game, watching Wayne’s World, or committing suicide. DePaul Basketball — Catch the Indifference!