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I’ve heard through the grape vine that last night during HCBS Call-In Show that there was a mention of MY idea to change the First Down cheer. I would like to congratulate myself for being a true revolutionary. I feel as if I was molded in the image of the greatest revolutionary in American history, Hugh Hefner.

I give you boobs, ass, and great articles, just like Hef. So help me and the other revolutionaries out there to change the first down cheer. It is simple and I don’t even care if you are too drunk to point in the right direction, just do this…

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO W-V-U (clap) First Down

If people around you are not receptive to this change, physically force them to do this cheer by placing your hand on their throat until they listen.  See, there is a simple violent solution to every problem

According to ESPN, Rodriguez has offered to pay WVU $1.5 million for breaching a contract that calls for $4 million in liquidated damages. I think I’m a high enough ranking official within WVU’s Athletic Department to say, “HAHAHAHA How ’bout you just pay $4 million bitch.”

Quotes from the Letter of Credit show that Fraud has no leg to stand by stating that he is “a responsible person”…yeah responsible for breaching a contract that calls for $4 million in damages. It also cities to the original contract signed by Rodriquez before the ‘Bama situation and the newest amendment signed in August (poking myself in the eye).

I have thought all along that this case will likely be settled out of court for upwards of $3 million. This is a low ball offer and I would not be surprised if we see a story tomorrow stating that WVU wants the full $4 million.

The back-and-forth is likely to continue until both sides run out of piss and realize this whole situation needs to end. However, it is looking like Fraud is never going to let this go and will be trying to screw WVU every chance he gets.

These are my favorite women.

Marisa Miller

Jessica Alba

Jennifer Aniston

Angie Harmon

Kate Hudson

…with a nerf basketball that I launched onto the court after a devastating OT loss.

The year before, I obtained his cell-phone number and posted it on a sign at the game. And we called it about a thousand times.

That same year, J.R. VanHoose, during pre-game warmups, walked over to me in the front row of the student section, grabbed my sign and tore it up. Right in front of me. What did that sign read? Nothing too bad, just poking fun at a recent DUI arrest.

Tamar Slay
FG: 48%
FT: 86%
BAC: .12

During the infamous “Fire Drill Game,” I literally had to restrain my shit-faced friend in the Civic Center tunnel from punching Greg White in the face.

Needless to say, I’ve had some interesting moments during the Capital Classic. But one fact remains: I hate Marshall, and very little gives me more pleasure than watching yet another dejected Herd crowd leave the Civic Center each year.

Can’t wait….see you guys inside.

I love boobs. I love butts. Here are some pictures featuring both and some up the skirt action.

I spent about 20 minutes trying to come up with a good connection between WBGV, hump day, and NFL cheerleaders. After awhile, the bulge in my pants simply became too unbearable and I gave up.

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Oh. Shit.

I am so completely fucked. Utterly, totally, didn’t have the courtesy of a reach-around fucked.

It all looked so rosy. Top 10 program. Orange Bowl champion. How could I screw this up? I couldn’t. No way. I single-handedly turned Tulsa around. Tulsa for fuck’s sake. You think anyone wants to go to Tulsa? Shit no. But there I was, winning games and making Steve Kragthorpe a household name.

Everybody wanted a piece of The Krag. Programs wanted me. Schools across the country were throwing money at me. Taking me to expensive restaurants. Showering me with gifts. Setting me up with hot ass ladies. Sure I’m married, but not when I’m on the road. On the road, The Krag has to get him some split-tail, you know what I’m saying? As long as that shit stays on the DL, The Krag is all good.

Man, was I having a good time. Especially in Louisville. Remember this story? You should’ve seen the red-carpet they rolled out for me. A box at Churchill. Dinner at the Penndennis Club. That shit was off the hook. I didn’t see a minority the entire day. That’s how it was in Montana and that’s just how The Krag likes it.

That was 9 months ago. Today? It’s like someone took a dump on my chest. What the fuck? I won a Liberty Bowl, I don’t deserve this shit.

How the hell did we lose to Kentucky? Good lord, Kentucky. Who’s even their head coach? Is it Saul Smith? I don’t have a clue.

I have no idea how it went wrong, either. What’d you say? We need to play defense? Fuck that. Have you seen our offense? It’s sick. It’s like the 2000 Rams in Madden. I used to play in my office on my old Dreamcast. I owned that game. Brian Brohm is Kurt Warner, Anthony Allen is Marshall Faulk, Mario Urrutia is Torry Holt, Harry Douglas is Isaac Bruce, and some other white dude on our team is Ricky Proehl. Man, wasn’t Ricky Proehl sick?

I just don’t get it. With this offense, who would’ve thought we needed to play defense. Not me. And I’m the best coach in America. If I didn’t see it coming, no one could. Not even Knute fucking Rockne himself. And he was half the coach I am. Plus he’s dead, so he doesn’t know shit.

And don’t even get me started on Syracuse. Luckily I swallowed some Oxycontin at halftime so that game was a fucking blur.

All this shit is giving The Krag a headache. All I wanted to do was win a national championship. It shouldn’t be this hard. It wasn’t this hard when I was taking Tulsa to the Humanitarian Bowl. I mean, pulling decent ass in Boise was hard, but the football part was still easy.

This fucking blows. What the hell am I going to do? Ah, fuck it, I’m going down to the Magic Dragon for a rub and tug. Gotta get my mind off this shit.

When I got a text around 5:30 a.m. yesterday morning stating that Head Coach Bill Stewart, “HCBS”, got the job I was asleep. When I woke up and could fully comprehend what this meant, I smacked myself in the forehead. The initial reaction was, “Are Garrison and Pastilong on their periods?” Because this seemed like an emotional hire that didn’t make a whole lot of sense.

While I may be known for flipping out, about once every hour, I decided to stop and really think about HCBS. It was a hell of a game but can he get it done for an entire season? Does he have enough experience and wherewithal to handle everything being a head coach at a big school entails? Why was his record so bad at VMI?

Then, HCBS started speaking at his press conference and I was sold. While I was filled with emotion, not completely sober, and was all hopped up on Mountain Dew, every sentence made me a believer. I could now understand why the players love Smilin’ Bill from New Martinsville so much.

He truly loves West “BY GOD” Virginia, West Virginia University, and all his players. You can see the emotion on his face and hear it in his voice. HCBS is a sincere man that will treat the young adults in this football program like they are his own kids. What parent would not want their child in that type of environment?

Remember, Rodriguez lucked into White, Slaton, and Schmitt. Our recent success, the national exposure of the Big East, and a high powered spread offense that throws the ball down field will peak the interest of big time recruits. All HCBS needs to do after that is be himself and we will continue to land the Noel Devines of the world.

This may not be the “splash” hire everyone was looking for, but we Mountaineers are different. When Asshole Rich Rodriguez, “ARR”, left what were we all screaming: Where is his loyalty? Does he have any integrity? Just be honest with us you (expletive of your choice)? We will never have to ask those questions of HCBS as he has already won as many BCS bowl games as ARR.

I just want to end this glowing endorsement of our new coach by asking a simple question: what would you give to see the Mountaineers win the National Championship? I know I would give almost anything to see that happen and HCBS gives us the best chance to win it next year.

If he becomes Larry Coker after that then so damn be it, because Coker was not that bad. Check out his bio here (Larry Coker) and tell me you would not take those results. Stop criticizing right now and just wait for the results. I feel deep down inside that we will all be very happy with what transpires.

He is down home and folksy and there absolutely nothing wrong with those qualities. Smilin’ Bill from New Martinsville is my coach and I could not be happier or more proud to be a Mountaineer.