On Location: My Basement


Well, the basement is stocked and ready to go for a long day of football. I hope you guys are too, because I will be updating this thread throughout the day. If you ever wanted to know what it would be like to watch 10 hours of football with me, this is your lucky day.

Here we go….

11:45 — Lee Corso just told America that Nebraska needs to beat USC with the “forward pass.” Brilliant. You know those GameDay commercials where Corso is working out with 1950s era equipment? That makes a lot more sense now.

11:53 — I am really glad Nebraska fans didn’t go for the cliched “black-out.” Too many schools are going with this stupid trend. Plus, red just says Nebraska.

11:58 — Well, Corso just picked Ohio State, Michigan, and USC. I feel 250% better about my “interest” in Washington, Louisville, and Nebraska today.

12:05 — I have already given up on Pam Ward. It wasn’t even her fault. I just can’t bring myself to watch Purdue-Central Michigan. What an awful game. Who cares if former WVUer Butch Jones is coaching. I’ll keep checking in periodically, but it looks like Pitt-Michigan State for me.

12:10 — This Washington game is great. They look like they have a chance against Michigan State. Oh, wait. That’s Pitt? Why the hell are they wearing purple pants?

12:22 — Not even a sell-out at Michigan State. I’m not sure who this makes look worse, Michigan State fans for not showing up or Pitt for not giving them a reason to show up?

12:30 — What the hell are Wisconsin and Penn State doing? Wisconsin is tied 7-7 with The Citadel and Penn State is DOWN 0-3 to Buffalo. The Big Ten is STRONG.

12:35 — Can we stop with the Barry Sanders comparisons? A running back makes one shifty move and all of a sudden he is Barry Sanders. Andre Ware just made the comparison with LeSean McCoy after he broke a tackle. It wasn’t even that impressive.

12:36 — Now, if you want to compare Devine to Sanders, go right ahead.

12:40 — Is anybody else really creeped out by the Hanes Cuba Gooding/Michael Jordan commercial? Actually, at this point, I’m just really creeped out of Cuba Gooding. Anyone who is in a movie called Daddy Day Care shouldn’t at the same time be doing underwear ads. Pedophile.

12:55 — I will give LeSean McCoy credit: he does look good. In fact, I am going to compare him to LaDainian Tomlinson AND Barry Sanders. He’s the best running back that’s ever lived. Ever!

1:00 — Michigan State returns an INT for a touchdown. 14-7 MSU. Pitt has 0 passing yards. How much longer can they keep Pat Bostick on the bench? Knowing Dave Wannstedt, way too long.

1:05 — OK, this is getting silly. I am 100% sure I know more about football than Dave Wannstedt. With that knowledge, I would put Pat Bostick in the game. What will Dave do? Probably soil himself and then come up with a new plan.

1:15 — Andre Ware is trying to find ways to get Pitt QB Kevin Smith comfortable. You know how I would do it? Find him a nice comfy seat on the bench.

1:18 — Cincinnati is just killing Miami (Ohio). They might not be ready to contend in the Big EAST this year, but look out for them next year.

1:20 — Jason Richardson is tall.

1:22 — The Citadel has tied it at 14 with Wisconsin. This would a fantastic day if another top 10 Big Ten team were to lose at home to a 1-AA, err, Football Championship Series team.

1:28 — This is the single worst article I have read in my entire life. And remember, when you write a WVU blog, you have to read Chuck Landon. Seriously, these two fucksticks passed this off as journalism?

1:30 — Credit to Dave Wannstedt. He can give a halftime interview in complete jibberish and keep his job. What did he just say?

…I am going to take a short break for lunch. Be back before 2:00…

1:55 — Back. While I was busy getting lunch, Wisconsin was busy embarrassing themselves in Madison. Remember, Appalachian State was the two-time defending I-AA champion. The Citadel? Not.

2:00 — Exact quote from Andre Ware, “I wonder how long it will take Dave Wannstedt and Matt Cavanaugh to realize they have a wide-open guy?” What is the over/under? An hour? Next Tuesday? Never?

2:03 — I am tempted to add a “clusterfuck” tag to this post in honor of Pitt’s offense.

2:10 — We have to see Bostick here, right? I mean, he has no choice. Only an idiot would keep him out. Let’s see what happens…

2:13 — Yep, Wannstedt’s a fucking retard.

2:15 — Quick question: what is the bigger upset? Appalachian State over #5 Michigan or (potentially) The Citadel over #7 Wisconsin? Discuss.

2:20 — Just as I type that, Wisconsin takes a 28-21 lead.

2:23 — If you’re watching ESPN in Charleston, we keep seeing a commercial for Quaker Steak that proclaims, “live it, love it, lube it!” Is it just me, or does that mean something completely different?

2:27 — Drew Neitzel is just proof that if you work hard enough and believe in yourself, even a Neo-Nazi can succeed in college basketball.

2:35 — Finally, VT gets on the board against Ohio. A lot of good teams struggling early against bad, bad football teams. Penn State is the only one who has really recovered to pull away.

2:41 — I doubt this video would be made about The Citadel:

2:48 — Neither of these teams deserve to win this game. Just atrocious football on both sides.

2:51 — Well, Wisconsin has finally ended The Citadel’s dreams of replicating Appy State. How about Minnesota, though? Down two THREE touchdowns to Florida fuck Atlantic?

2:57 — I don’t like to defend Pitt, but that was a great play by Aaron Berry. Bullshit pass interference call.

3:07 — HUGE stop by Pitt. Let’s see how Wannstedt will screw this next drive up.

3:08 — Well, that didn’t take long.

3:18 — Pitt has had way too many opportunities to take control of this game. If they don’t win it on this last drive, they’ll have no one to blame but themselves.

3:22 — Kevan Smith is a joke of a QB. Taking sacks, fumbling, etc. etc. This guy couldn’t start for any team in the WVIAC let alone win a game on the road. If Bostick isn’t ready to start next week, something is seriously wrong.

3:30 — OK, so Pitt officially goes down at Michigan State. Not a big surprise there. We have a lot more exciting games to look forward to at 3:30: Ohio State @ Washington and Tennessee @ Florida are the two big ones. I’m still going strong, so if you’re still tuned in, we should keep this going through 7 tonight.

3:32 — Big fan of both Florida and Washington in these next two games. Banking on both Tim Tebow and Tim Tebow II (also known as Jake Locker) to beat two of my least favorite teams in the world: Tennessee and Ohio State.

3:35 — What happened to Dr. Jack Arute? He’s just plain Jack now. Did he lose his license? This should be a bigger story.

3:38 — Just realize that it’s Dr. Jerry Punch, not Jack Arute. I’m an idiot.

3:42 — This is going to get a LOT worse for Tennessee. They are going to get taken to the woodshed in this one. Also, fuck Phil Fulmer. You can’t spell Citrus without UT.

3:45 — Well, Auburn sure made last week’s USF win look pretty silly now.

3:50 — My prayers for a bus accident before the Notre Dame/Michigan went unanswered. Well, it’s on to plan B: meteor. C’mon meteor.

3:57 — Props to the guy in the front row of the UW-Ohio State game wearing the non-descript “Austin” t-shirt that has nothing to do with Texas. So far, you’re the front-runner for douchebag of the day.

4:02 — Speaking of Texas, they are one of the most overrated teams in the country. UCF apparently feels the same way, taking a 7-3 lead early at their new on-campus stadium.

4:09 — Zach Johnson, if he can birdie 18, will shoot 59 in the Tour Championship. If you’re wondering why there is a post not about college football, let me say this: fuck off.

4:10 — Sorry, that was harsh. I love you all.

4:12 — Tracy Wolfson just pronounced the school as “App-a-latch-I-ane State” Interesting. Awfully nice of them to hire a mental deficient as a sideline reporter.

4:22 — Tim Tebow just owned Tennessee on that last drive. He looks like the read deal. Just think how good he could be if he wasn’t wearing jean shorts underneath his football pants.

4:25 — Washington just got robbed of a TD. Referees continue the longest blow job in history with Ohio State.

4:35 — Going on a beer run. Back soon.

5:00 — Well, that took longer than expected. Back now though. Looking to wrap this up pretty soon.

5:05 — New Hampshire 14 Marshall 0. You read that right. Think Marshall played about 1000% above their heads last week? If you didn’t believe it before, you’ll believe it now. Marshall sucks.

5:07 — Looking pretty smart for my Florida takes Tennessee to the woodshed prediction.

5:12 — In hindsight, Pitt’s loss at Michigan State just doesn’t matter. The Big EAST is strong enough that the conference doesn’t need Pitt to be good anymore. Cincinnati might as well take that mantle now. What’s the big difference between the schools? Sure Pitt has more history, but Cincinnati looks like they’re going in the right direction toward making their own history.

5:15 — Notre Dame is offensively bad. No, they’re not bad on offense, they’re so bad they are offending me.

5:20 — I love Ron Franklin, but who the hell is Ed Cunningham? Sounds like he should run a bowling alley somewhere in Iowa. Not a bad color-man, just very white bread.

5:30 — Ladies and gentleman, that’s all she wrote for me. After 6 hours, I just can’t be witty anymore. To be honest with you, I stopped being witty after about an hour. This won’t be the last of the live blogging experiment, but next time, I might just pick one game or one event instead of an entire day. Thanks for reading.

Want to join in on the fun? Leave your thoughts in the comments…

28 Responses

  1. So when is Pornstache gonna get fired? MSU is gonna smash them by the end of the day.

  2. If this season goes really badly, this is his last year. But I’m talking 4-8 badly. If they’re around or above .500, he’ll get one more year.

  3. Look at mighty PSU pulling away from the mighty Buffalo. Crap. I kind of like Pitt’s uni’s, but they do look very much like Washington. Let’s gooooooooo Citadel!

  4. OMG, that Rece Davis pic is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO gay.

  5. On a side note. If some Maryland skirt tackled me, there’d be more than people cheering. There’d be people getting their ass stomped. Great interview with the Stache right there at halftime by the way. He’s a great mind.

  6. Wow thats some great sPitt plays right there. 2 false starts and a sack.

  7. they are one of the worst coached teams I’ve seen in a LONG time.

  8. Well Pornstache has never really done much for his teams in my opinion. I just wonder how he keeps finding coaching jobs.

  9. I think the moustache gives him credibility, but that’s just me.

  10. OMG, the Arkansas package? I actually like it!

  11. but as an aside, THEY CALL OUR OFFENSE GIMMICKY?!?!

  12. What the heck are they doing running the Arkansas package? They are using it too much and THROW the ball.

    I also hate the pull them offsides move…does this ever work anywhere other than intramural flag football?

  13. But it does ALWAYS work in flag football.

  14. you guys see the SECPoon website got shut down? For showing a pic of Saban’s niece? Nice…

  15. Pitt might block a punt in this game. They’ve been very close on 2 occasions.

  16. They might have to block a punt to score again.

  17. Oh, they definitely HAVE TO, but they might actually get one.

  18. They have got to put in Bostick. What the fuck are they doing with Smith?

  19. They are losing that is what they are going to do.

  20. The first time it happens is always the best unless you an 18 year old who waited through high school only to get drunk at FallFest and sleep with a Sig Ep…that one burns a little

    Seriously though it has to be Appy State over Michigan just because of the prestige level of the maze and blue. They were national title contenders with the senior leadership of Henne and Hart.

    Did anyone see that dog on field what the hell is that about? OOPS he just said the F word…

  21. See? A blocked FG. I was at least correct in some regard. Anyway, the Badgers have to lose some poll votes, they have to. Can pitt actually win this game?!?

  22. Who would make a video defending Michigan and blasting ASU? Is that really how low UM football has stooped?

  23. You have a very nice basement. Can I come over and watch there?

  24. The battle of the bums has begun. I’d love to see both teams lose somehow.

  25. I shall join you in your intoxicated football watching day. Perhaps someday, I too can aspire to blog.

    On a side note, tOSU will lose this game today.

  26. nice addition of the clusterfuck tag, i like it.

    You see Norfolk State unis?!?! Holy mother fucking hideous.

  27. Does every fucking school in America have to use the fucking “We Are” thing? All this rum is making me irritable.

  28. About as bad as Marshall’s offense.

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