We here at WBGV have been given unprecedented access to the USF locker-room in the days preceding the game. When I say “access” I mean I got the only female equipment manager drunk off Mike’s Hard Lemonade, stole her keys, and did some reconnaissance work in Leavitt’s office.
We set-up many different camera in Coach Leavitt’s office, including one under his desk. We felt this would be invaluable seeing as how he would be cowering under there by Wednesday at the mere thought of West Virginia’s potent offense. Unfortunately for us we discovered that Coach Leavitt likes to wear heels while preparing his pre-game pep talk.
We also saw the words of inspiration that he will use to pump his team up before Friday’s game:
Fella’s we can accomplish great things if we work together. Tonight we have a chance to show the nation what South Florida football is all about.
These are the moments you have been waiting for your whole life. National TV…a sold out stadium full of kids who weren’t smart enough to get into any other school in Florida (pause for laughter)…your parents got out of jail for one day to come see you play (hurry to next sentence before you get a cap popped in your ass).
Look at the fella to your left (no your other left) and now to your right (damn idiots your other right) and know that these are the brothers you are going to war with tonight.
We are going to take the field and run all over those hillbillies from West Virginia. (pause again for laughter) Yeah I know fellas we are fucked because they are real fast and real good but Erin Andrews might be here tonight and I hope I get a chance to motorboat those big tatas like Pat White did last weekend.
Alright get the hell out of here I need to change into men’s clothing before the game starts and I know you don’t want to see my cross-your-heart bra again.