Al Gore’s Internet Sucks


The Internet has been down all morning and will continue to be down through the rest of the day at my office. We’re going ahead and calling this a lost day, but we will be back tomorrow.

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We Pause For A Moment


To bring this update on the basketball team…Andy Katz touches base with Huggins and the rest of the WVU basketball team in a nice preseason profile. You can find it here.

My favorite quote:

“He’s just on us all the time about crashing the boards,” Alexander said. “They never stop. I could rebound perfect all practice and miss one, one time, and then they’ll yell at me like I’ve never rebounded before in my life. It’s crazy. They’re just on you all the time, but it’s good for us.”

Oh brother, how I love that. We’ll be tackling more of the basketball team in the coming weeks. Buckle up.

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Things That Made Me Want To Throw My Shoe!


In all honesty, there should not be much to be upset about after the dismantling of Rutgers on Saturday. But I’m 5th Year Senior and I get pissed off about not being pissed off. Let the Dew rage begin…
#1

WTAE in Pittsburgh let me ask you something. Who in the hell would want to watch Pitt v. Louisville instead of WVU v. Rutgers? Shit fans would rather watch our game. Because of its decision to show the Pitt game, I had to watch the WVU game without HD.

I feel sorry for those of you without HD cable, it is the best thing since Koozie’s. Once you have HD it is impossible to go back. To me it is like having sex without a condom and then having to go back to wearing those pleasure preventers.

#2

Why in the hell does Stewart Street still get a fucking green light? The road is closed because of construction which means there is no damn traffic. If I have to wait one more time through that damn light I may go to city council and throw a shoe at Ron Justice.

#3

Does Rutgers not believe in proper drainage? There were puddles of water on that damn field, which is just not acceptable.

#4

Please God stop all future announcers from using the nickel/five and dime to describe White and Slaton. It makes my ears bleed and does not do them justice. Call them badass mother fucker (BAMF) and slayer.

#5

Will someone please tell that kid in the Sportsmanship commercial that nobody will take him seriously if his pants are around his neck. Why is this kid trying to be a 90 year old retiree? Kid, you are 12 years old find some baggy pants, sag’em, and make your mom yell at you for walking on the cuffs.

I need to start taking some Bayer Aspirin because my heart is in trouble.
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Whores and Horses


This wonderful piece of prose was created over a year ago after Charley’s 4 day weekend in Louisville for the game. Good times…

Louisville sucks.

Not the team, but the school and the collection of greasy, STD-riddled, sluttastic “students” that attend the school.

Saturday night, I enjoyed a trip to what would be best described as a breeding ground for any and all communicable diseases. If Herpes ever mutates and becomes airborne, Fourth Street Live would be the scene of such a medical miracle.

The night started out well enough, with a pretty damn good dinner and damn good bourbon down the street at Maker’s Mark Bourbon House. Unfortunately, our next choice was a CDC laboratory disguised as a bar: Parrot Beach. To give you an idea of this hole, it was a combination of Bent Willey’s, Banana Joe’s, the Jersey Shore, Hell, and Kentucky. Unfortunately, Kentucky turns out to be the worst of these 5 ingredients.

Look, I like girls dancing on tables as much as the next guy, but I would prefer if those girls rated more than a negative 3 out of 10 on any man’s scale. And last time I checked, C-Section scars aren’t sexy. Louisville girls should keep that in mind next time they decide to wear a Kids-medium sized shirt.

And the guys, even worse. Unfortunately, the bathroom had an attendant, which meant everyone had a chance to put on cologne from his collection. That poor guy must have to restock that cologne every 20 minutes. I walked in and nearly passed out as one chach-ball dumped a whole bottle of Drakkar Noir on his chest. I’m sure his cousin Geno did the same thing.

And lastly, I heard a rumor that they’re taking the gold out of Fort Knox…apparently replacing it with a week’s supply of penicillin for the U of L student body. Trust me, they’ll need every drop. We should drop condoms on that school like we drop food on Afghanistan, just to make sure they don’t procreate.

So as you can see, I enjoyed my trip.
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Yes, Yes, a Thousand Times Yes

There aren’t really words to properly describe this footage of awesomeness. Sure, she’s OK, so we can laugh, but there was a good chance I would be laughing either way.

[With Leather]

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THE THRILL OF VICTORY

Well, despite Charley’s early claims, I do travel to games. (Note: Charley passed on going to this game because his tummy hurt. True story.) This weekend, I went into the eye of the storm. Literally. The whole drive up was nothing but rain, which as you might imagine-sucked.

Then came gameday. Pregame, the only thing nastier than the weather were the Rutgers dance and cheerleading squads. Yikes. The weather cleared up before kickoff, but was still pretty windy. That would not last. The skies opened. Not really sure when, but at that point it got a little primal. Coincidently, that’s the point in time that WVU just kicked it into overdrive and left the overmatched Scarlet Knights behind. It was sweet.

Obviously, the whole team played great. However, I want to mention the performance of Pat McAfee. He was great. From solid kickoffs to the big field goal before halftime, Pat was gigantic.

Some thoughts on Rutgers:

I went up to the game in 2005. Same weather as this game. This time, there were alot more Rutgers fans there. That’s a positive for the program and the Big East.

On the flip side, the program still has a ways to go. 40,000 seat stadium? Come on. No out of town scores. No stats. A sub par band. Long lines at bathrooms. Fellas, you aren’t going 3-8 anymore.

I don’t like Rutgers coach Greg Schiano, but respect him. However, it was GREAT to watch him throw off his headphones and start walking out onto the field before Rod made his move. He had his ass kicked enough.

Have fun again down at Houston, Rutgers.

Meanwhile, the good guys are gaining steam. I pity Louisville, Cincy, UConn and Pitt.

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Who’s In Your 5?

Kate Hudson

Marissa Miller

Heidi Klum

Carrie Underwood

Ashley Judd

This one is for you Amelia.

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Road To The BCS

Let me just start off by saying that I want nothing more than to play in the BCS National Championship game. However, Woody Paige always says, “You guys have to look at the schedule.” After looking at the schedule it does not look good for WVU. I did not include Kansas in this scenario because they are not that good and will get beat by seasons end.

OSU (10-2)
W Wisconsin – If this were at Camp Randall maybe but not shot at the Horseshoe
L Illinois – The fighting Zooker’s come in and shock OSU as they are looking ahead to next week’s match-up at the Big House.
L @ Michigan – The Wolverine’s earn a spot in the Rose Bowl by winning the Big Ten.

BC (11-2) The New England magic ends with the Eagles. I hope this team gets the Clap.
W FSU
W @ Maryland
L @ Clemson
W Miami
L (ACC Championship v. Va. Tech)

LSU (12-1) The trek to their bowl game will be a short drive down I-10 to New Orleans.
W @ Bama – This will be a close game and if Les Miles gambles too much down the stretch he could get burnt.
W La Tech
W @ Ole Miss
W Arkansas
W (SEC Championship v. It doesn’t matter)

Arizona St. (10-2)
L @ Oregon – You don’t go into Autzen and leave with a W, unless you’re Cal.
W @ UCLA
L USC
W Arizona

Oregon (11-1) A longer drive to New Orleans but they will meet LSU for the BCS Championship.
W Arizona St.
W @ Arizona
W @ UCLA – This is the Ducks toughest remaining game but they will walk out of LA with a W.
W Oregon St. – The Civil War is a rivalry game so you never know what could happen.

Oklahoma (12-1) Most likely going to the Rose Bowl to face Michigan.
W Baylor
W @ Texas Tech
W Oklahoma St.
W (Big 12 Championship v. Missouri)

WVU (11-1)
W Louisville – This game still worries me. Brohm is a great passer but I think our secondary holds strong.
W @ Cincy
W UConn
W Shit – I can’t wait to chant EAT SHIT PITT over and over again.

If this scenario works out we will end up 4th in the BCS poll and will likely be picked first by the Orange Bowl to play the Chokies.

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Rutgers Student Gameday Diary!


9:00 a.m. Why the fuck is it so loud outside, who is this skank beside me, and why the fuck am I wet? Oh shit, I pissed the bed again, “MAAAAA.” I’m at school my ma isn’t here…don’t cry think. This skank isn’t up yet so I’m going to roll her ass to the wet side and blame this on her.

9:15 Damn this girl is fat what was I thinking? Oh yeah, I can’t do any better than this I go to Rutgers. Hey skank wake up you pissed the bed. Get the hell out.

9:30 Shit dawg, we play those hillbillies from western Virginia today. Time to get ready

11:30 That didn’t take as long as I thought and I look good. All black today and I look good. I hope I put enough gel and hairspray in my hair to hold up to the rain. Someone get me a Heineken and a Red Bull.

11:31 I’m already fucking hammered drunk and ready to rage in that stadium. CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP

11:32 I’m so drunk I just threw up off the deck. When are we going to the club? Fuck, I meant stadium I’m so drunk I can’t even think straight.

12:15 GAME TIME BITCHES! I’m actually matching the team today that is sssuppperrr. CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP

12:30 I’m wetter now than I was this morning in my bed. We better score a touchdown soon or I’m going to be pissed. These rednecks are fast but we can chop wood.

12:35 Damn, they scored. Roid rage building.

12:57 Damn, they scored again. Roid rage building. We need to do something so I can use all the redneck jokes like are you married to your fuckin’ sister.

1:45 17 – 3 at half this sucks my left nut which is small because I do steroids but the fat chicks love muscle.

3:15 We just lost again to those fucking hillbillies and I can’t control the roid rage. I’m going to beat some mountaineers’ ass. Yo, sister fucker, fuck your momma or your wife whatever that fat cow is walking beside you. Let’s rumble!

4:30 Where am I? My head hurts and I’m bleeding. I just got knocked the fuck out!

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You Got Knocked The F–k Out


Yes, you, Rutgers. Dominated. Owned. Pwned. Whatever you want. The tradition of Rutgers being West Fuckin’ Virginia’s bitch continues.

Just ask Ray Rice:

“We got outplayed,” said Rice, who rushed for 142 yards on 30 carries and became the first Rutgers player to surpass 1,000 yards rushing three times. “They came out here and executed, and we didn’t.”

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Rutgers, at times, moved the ball on the ground against WVU. But even during these stretches, not once did they make the “big play,” turning sustained drives into points. Each time, WVU met that challenge. Sure, Rutgers shot themselves in the foot by dropping passes, but more times than not WVU’s defense stepped-up in key situations. Even if WVU’s offense played awful, the defense would have kept us in this game.

But, of course, the WVU offense didn’t play awful. They didn’t just play average. They played pretty fucking amazing. Finally, it seems, the luster we lost during the USF game has been replaced. No longer is the execution — and playcalling — in some type of comatose. They’re both alive and well. The best example of this was the 51 yard slip screen thrown to Steve Slaton against an all-out blitz from Rutgers. Maybe it’s luck to catch Rutgers at their most vulnerable, or maybe it was good preparation and a good call. One way to know is if this awesomeness continues, which after these last 3 games, I have no reason to think it won’t.

Other random thoughts:

  • It was good to see Noel Devine get back into action, though his 6 carries for 40 yards came when the game was already well in hand. Either way, any experience is good experience.
  • WVU goes on the road and beats a 25th ranked Rutgers squad that had beaten USF the week before. Arizona State beats a similarly-ranked Cal team at home and finally Arizona State is for real. I know ASU is unbeaten, but does anybody actually think they’re a better team than WVU? Dennis Erickson might even agree with me. Luckily, it’s only a few years until they’re on probation.
  • Arizona State is so good, they have opened as a 7 point dog against Oregon. Seeing as how Oregon is the much stronger team, we have to cheer for ASU in this one, though a road win is unlikely.
  • Fox Sports/CFN are still projecting WVU to the national title game. Stranger things have happened, I suppose. (5th Year Senior will be back later today with a full BCS post.)
  • I have absolutely no idea what this means. Any ideas?

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You’ve Been Nickled and Dimed

Yeah, trust me, I hated the use of “Nickel and Dime” just as much as you did. But when you can’t think of a better headline…

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Actually, We’re Going Up

After watching this video, it’s safe to say I would rather live in Britney Spears’ vagina than live in New Jersey. At least it’s cleaner.

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I Got Drunk Yesterday

Seriously, really, aggressively drunk. It was fun. But then today, I pay. So, when I fully recover tomorrow morning, there shall be posts. Expect a recap of the Rutgers game and hot chicks. But for now, this is the best I can do:

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Picture > 1,000 Words

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Soulja Boy Is Dead

Long live __________?

Soulja Boy is one of the most annoying songs ever to grace this fine planet. The accompanying dance? Even worse. That’s why I am jumping on the anti-Soulja Boy bandwagon and trying to do something about it. And don’t give me any of that racist crap. My wife and I gave money to Colin Powell!

OK, so we need to find a replacement. Remember, we need to keep the dance fresh and hip. That way, Devin Hester will do it.

Here is my own humble suggestion…your own suggestions in the comments:

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