Eric Schnupp Will Piss Wherever He Damn Well Pleases


I’ve done some real stupid shit when I’ve been drunk.

Ran my mouth on New Year’s enough that I went to the 2006 Sugar Bowl with a nasty black eye. Got thrown out of Rich’s Fright Farm for allegedly hitting a female employee (note: I didn’t actually do this, but by that point, I was too drunk to make a rational defense). Shown up for a final barefoot.

Want to know what I haven’t done?

Gotten a job as the OL/TE coach at Baylor University, got shit-faced plastered, and pissed on the bar at a local Waco establishment. Yeah, I’m disappointed I didn’t think of it first, too.

But, knowing how PC everyone is these days, some of you are probably being all uppity, saying to yourself:

Good sir, please have the decency not to relieve yourself on or around the bar at such a fine establishment. Actions like these disgust me and reduce our great species to those of apes. Scoff. Scoff.

Well, let me tell you something: stop being a bitch. This is a great story. It is actions like his that lead to reputable newspapers being forced to print the following:

While we were kicking everybody out, he apparently thought that nobody was looking and whipped it out and (urinated) on the bar,” Severe said. “He tried to deny it, but there was definitely a puddle and there was no one else around him.”

I can only imagine his defense. “If there’s not a puddle of piss, you must dismiss.”

So, in closing, I say bravo to you Eric Schnupp. It’s stories like these that make me proud to be an American, because no matter how much dumb shit I do, people like you always make me look good.

[as seen on EDSBS]

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