The Definitive Hate List


If you’re like me, you’re always confused as to who to hate. One week you’re pulling for a team, the next you want them to lose. Such is life in this BCS sweepstakes that we find ourselves. Well, fear not, minions. WBGV is here to take all the guess-work out of your everyday existence. No, we can’t tell you if your son is on drugs or if your neighbor has been stealing your lawn ornaments — yet — but we can tell you who to hate.

This is not sometimes, when-I-get-around-to-it hate. This is pure-all-the-time hate.

Let’s get the easy ones out of the way first:

Pitt

This is the easiest of the easy, to hate and to beat. Zing! Seriously, Pitt has zero redeeming qualities. Hate with regard to neither women, children, the elderly, or kittens.

Marshall

The red-headed step-child that all of us keep locked in the basement. Oh, you don’t have one? Yeah, stop lying.

Virginia Tech

Who cares if we don’t play them anymore, my hate still burns bright. So should your’s.

Louisville

Our new biggest rival. Down this year, though they should be back in years to come. Unless they keep Steve Kragthorpe, who enjoys losing football games, cross-dressing, and body-painting.

OK, those are the biggest 4. Then there’s the rest of the football Big EAST:

USF
Cincinnati
Syracuse
UConn
Rutgers

Then we have to get to the Big EAST basketball schools:

DePaul
Georgetown
Marquette
Providence
St. John’s
Seton Hall
Villanova

Of course, I intentionally omitted Notre Dame, not because they’re not on the list, but because they deserve their own section:

Notre Dame

The most hated of the hated, not just by us, by everyone. Even the Aryan Brotherhood and the Mexican Mafia think Notre Dame is evil. Now if we just get the entire school into a California prison…

Now we have to get a little more creative:

Penn State.
The Big Ten, but not Northwestern.
ESPN, the network, not the individual letters. Except P.
Lee Corso.
College football analysts with an SEC bias. These include all of them.
Dan Dakich.
College basketball analysts with an ACC bias.
Jay Bilas. See above.
Miami Hurricanes.
Real, actual hurricanes.
The entire state of New Jersey.
Mike’s Hard Lemonade, and any variation.
Bobby Bowden.
Sex and the City, the show and the impending movie.
John Beilein.
Lane Stadium.
Spiders, the insect, not of Richmond. Though their prior affiliation with Beilein is troubling.
Michael Vick.
Osama Bin Laden.
USC.
Texas.
Nebraska.
Maid in Manhattan.
Lou Holtz. Fuck you for 1988. Fuck. You.
The ref who called the technical foul in the 1998 Sweet 16.
Donovan McNabb.
Doug Flutie.

Stay with me, there’s more…

Warren Sapp.
Lee Suggs and Kevin Jones.
The student gate at Mountaineer Field.
Jay Mariotti.
Old Pitt Stadium. What a fucking dump.
Frank Beamer. It’s funny because his burn makes him look like a turkey.
Phil Fulmer. Nothing really to do with WVU, but just hate on principle. Trust me.
The 2001 football season.
The 2001-2002 basketball season. Two words: Drew Catlett.
Roger Staubach. Wow, was he fucking good. And three times as old as me.
Marcus Vick. Statutory rape is funny when it’s not your daughter.
The UVA pep band.
When they pave paradise and put up a parking lot. Unless it’s the Blue Lot.
Rick Pitino.
Adolf Hitler.
Jim Boeheim.
Joseph Stalin.
Jim Calhoun.
Jim Calhoun. Get it? Zing!
Elderly drivers. Turn off your damn turn signal!
The student section. Unless you’re a student, and then…
The alumni section. Unless you’re an alumnus, and then…
Not having a school golf course.
Paul Pasqualoni.
Stuart Scott. Or is it Linda Cohn I hate more? Eh, who can decide…
Linda Cohn.
Jewel. We get it, you lived in your van.

…and last, but certainly not least…

Marvin Graves and Tremain Mack. Don’t tell me you haven’t been thinking about these two names since you started reading this list. They are the reason this list exists. Outside of the big four and Notre Dame, Marvin Graves and Tremain Mack might elicit more blind hatred than anyone else.

OK, that’s the list. If I’ve missed anyone — and there have to be more — nominations are being taken in the comments.
Ballhype – The Definitive Hate List
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8 Responses

  1. You missed an ACC traitor…we still have to hate BC.

    In fact, I personally just hate the entire ACC.

  2. Wow, can’t believe I missed BC. They will make the next edited list.

  3. Kellen Winslow
    Screamin A. Smith
    Boston Red Sox…you’re not underdogs if your pay roll is $143M, thats $90M more than the Rockies for you scoring at home.
    Mike Partrick
    Chevy Troutman
    Murderers
    Perlo Bastein
    People that say they are from a city, but are really from the boondocks. ex. I’m from New York City, well actually Secaucus, NJ, or I’m from Charleston…well actually Teays Valley.

  4. Kellen Winslow definitely qualifies. Same with Chevy Troutman and Perlo Bastien.

    Can’t add Mike Patrick, mostly because I don’t hate him. He’s a WV product, and besides having an odd affinity with Britney Spears, generally likes WVU.

  5. Charley I’m going to call you out on this one but you LOVE Kellen. Not because he is a SOLDIER but because he is a Brown. So I guess that is ok

    John, Scott Depot ROCKS!

  6. Bucky Waters — he had the audacity to declare the Coliseum “The House that Bucky Built” during last years basketball season

  7. Don’t bust on Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

    A second on hating the ACC.

    Keith Oberdouche deserves scorn, as does Bryant Gumbel.

  8. I can actually tolerate Doug Flutie for one simple reason. WVU never loses when he’s in the stadium. Check the records. He never beat us in college and when he’s been in the booth for our games we’ve always won.

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