MNC vs. Fiesta, WHO YA GOT?


Just to be clear, this is a complete and utter ripoff of a feature by the same name at Kissing Suzy Kolber. Usually, I would feel wary of up and copying a segment idea but, seeing as how I’ve been to hell and back this past weekend, fuck it. So, today, we look at the National Championship vs. the Fiesta Bowl. WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

BCS National Championship Game________Tostitos Fiesta Bowl

Location

New Orleans, Louisiana________Tempe Glendale, Arizona

Strengths

French Quarter, strip clubs, casinos________Near California

Weaknesses

Chlamydia, Ghonerhea, Syphillous________Retirement communities stocked full of old people on the highway to death

Opponent

Ohio State________Oklahoma

Opponent’s Method of Driving

Slow in the fast lane________Tractor

Stadium

Dome formerly with a hole in its roof________Dome currently with a hole in its roof

Notable Celebrities

Aaron Neville, Ellen DeGeneres________Alice Cooper, Jena Jameson

My Happiness Level

Ecstatic________Suicidal

7 Responses

  1. You know, I remember the good times. We hung out on your liveblog during the Arkansas/LSU game. We watched Oregon go down in flames together. We had our fucking hearts ripped out of our fucking chests by those mother fucking bastards on Saturday and life has ended for me. For at least a few weeks. Or months. Whatever. Kill me.

  2. Charley,
    I’ve just finished building a mini-gallows here at my apartment. I just need someone to pull the handle to drop out the trapdoor. You have 6-7 hours of freetime in the next day or so? Let me know. I’m going out to buy some more rope. And gasoline.

    -J.

  3. C’mon guy, you just have to breath. Plus, if you get drunk enough, you probably won’t have the hand-eye coordination to commit suicide.

  4. Why does ending my own life have to be so damn complicated? FUCK!

  5. Not a big fan of the Fiesta Bowl. I think it’s the Tostitos sponsorship: the Jay Leno endorsements back in the day, the too-salty tortilla chips, the bland, lowest-common-denominator salsa. It tastes of ketchup, for Heaven’s sake. I just have no use for it.

    However, having purged The Game That Dare Not Speak Its Final Score from my memory, I am ready to get excited about this game, and even to muse that the West Virginia University Mountaineers have a chance to hang with the Sooners.

    But first, this team has got some purging of its own to do. I’m just getting around to watching some video of CRR’s postgame presser. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a coach so utterly bereft and lost. My heart really went out to the guy.

    It’s time we remember – and remind him – of some things. Here’s a guy at the head of a football program that practically single-handedly stopped the bleeding after the ACC defections, and saved the Big East from the dustbin of history. Sure, there were those inglorious Tire Bowl and Gator Bowl losses, but those are distant memories. Since then, the school’s first BCS bowl win, complete with dropping Georgia Bulldog jaws, sorely needed Gator Bowl redemption, conference championships, Top 10 finishes, media love-fests. The program has reached heights rarely glimpsed in these parts.

    TGTDNSIFS was bad, no denying it. But it’s history. It is time to rally around this team and these coaches. And go BEAT OKLAHOMA!

  6. Man, I need another week to wallow in misery.

  7. re-focus people ! We will only get better now !

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