I Have A Dream


When all of this Rodriguez stuff first went down, I wanted a few non-violent things to happen to Rodriguez. I would have liked to see Michigan lose every game. I wanted him to be fired within three years. Then I wanted that asshole to get hired as an assistant coaching running backs at a Div-III college

Though, after all the allegations of broken promises, the recent allegations of racism, and this latest bombshell sparkler, I want nothing but the worst to happen to AssRod. In my mind, I want lots of violence — and here is how I hope it goes down.

Cue swiggly lines and doodoodoodoo music…

I want Michigan to get beat by 20+ points in every game he coaches, including the Spring game if that’s possible. I want Michigan’s AD to walk out on the field at Ohio Stadium and fire Rod’s ass in front of 103,245 people and a National TV audience. I want him to get spat on by his players at UM and fall walking into the tunnel.

Upon leaving Ohio Stadium, I want him to rear-end the truck that sucked up all the shit from the porta johns and have it cover the interior of his car, making him vomit from the smell. When he gets out of the car, I want Woody Hayes to rise from the dead and punch him out. I want him to be air-lifted to WVU Hospitals, where a hot nurse to begin flirting with him and his new hairplugs. I want her to then push his gurney out one of those big windows at the front.

While falling, I want a bird to shit on him. I want him to land on his head and immediately get hit by the car of the WVU cheerleader he impregnated. I want his scrotum to somehow manage to catch on the muffler and drug down Don Nehlen Drive and into campus.

I want his scrotum to rupture (or whatever scrotums do) at the island in front of the Mountainlair. I want students to proceed to throw shoes and punches until he admits Rita played the Crypt Keeper in all those terrible 90’s movies.

I want students to carry him by his nipples back to Mountaineer Field and sodomize him with the goal posts. I want WVU’s ticket office to sell out the stadium and allow each and every paying customer to do what he, she, or it wants to FraudRod.

After this ordeal is over, I want him sent to New Jersey with the rest of West Virginia’s trash.

I just want what’s best.


12 Responses

  1. i love it, now can you tell us exactly how you feel about it. but i do hope this is after he has to cough up the four million plus interest and rita and the rest of the family are denied food stamps and unemployment.
    you made my day,

  2. Wow

  3. I mean Owen Schmitt is blowing up the scene at the Senior Bowl and we’re still steaming over this? I sincerely do not understand the psychopathic rage here.

  4. c, Owen hurt his knee and is out of the Senior bowl, tremendous bummer.

    5th year, this is too much, you need to ratchet back.

  5. This isn’t a message board. Our aim is not necessarily to let you know our true feelings. If we think something’s funny, we run with it. 5th Year Senior did just that.

    Seriously, we’re not sitting in our basement, thinking of Rodriguez, and sharpening our knife. We swear.

  6. ummmm…..actually, Charley….i am.

    I thought Owen was injured and missing the Sr. Bowl anyway.

    5th Yr. Sr. made me laugh.

  7. I’m reminded of a Wizard of Id comic strip about 20 years ago. A guy goes to the wizard and asks him how much it will cost to make a potion to kill his enemy. When the wizard tells him the high cost, the man replies, “How much for an itchy rash?”

    I don’t have the financial means to pay for a really nasty potion, but I’ll contribute to giving NimRod an itchy rash. Sadly, I wonder if one of the cheerleaders already has (probably more likely that he gave them an itchy rash)

  8. Owen is hurt and will not play in the Senior Bowl.

  9. I’m glad some people have a sense of humor.

    This started out as a short spur of the moment statement to Charley about a ruptured scrotum and turned into this. Laugh, enjoy, and take a Valium or 3.

  10. I read this at work…and had a completely inappropriate reaction in which my employees came in and asked me why I was laughing so hard.

    Obviously I enjoyed this.

    Currently there is a blue haze filling up Charelston/St. Albans area and everyone has been asked to stay in doors – I wonder if RR is in the area?

  11. I didn’t know 5thyear could read my mind.

  12. LMAO! “WVU Fan without a creative nickname” is the best name ever.

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