When all of this Rodriguez stuff first went down, I wanted a few non-violent things to happen to Rodriguez. I would have liked to see Michigan lose every game. I wanted him to be fired within three years. Then I wanted that asshole to get hired as an assistant coaching running backs at a Div-III college
Though, after all the allegations of broken promises, the recent allegations of racism, and this latest
bombshell sparkler, I want nothing but the worst to happen to AssRod. In my mind, I want lots of violence — and here is how I hope it goes down.
Cue swiggly lines and doodoodoodoo music…
I want Michigan to get beat by 20+ points in every game he coaches, including the Spring game if that’s possible. I want Michigan’s AD to walk out on the field at Ohio Stadium and fire Rod’s ass in front of 103,245 people and a National TV audience. I want him to get spat on by his players at UM and fall walking into the tunnel.
Upon leaving Ohio Stadium, I want him to rear-end the truck that sucked up all the shit from the porta johns and have it cover the interior of his car, making him vomit from the smell. When he gets out of the car, I want Woody Hayes to rise from the dead and punch him out. I want him to be air-lifted to WVU Hospitals, where a hot nurse to begin flirting with him and his new hairplugs. I want her to then push his gurney out one of those big windows at the front.
While falling, I want a bird to shit on him. I want him to land on his head and immediately get hit by the car of the WVU cheerleader he impregnated. I want his scrotum to somehow manage to catch on the muffler and drug down Don Nehlen Drive and into campus.
I want his scrotum to rupture (or whatever scrotums do) at the island in front of the Mountainlair. I want students to proceed to throw shoes and punches until he admits Rita played the Crypt Keeper in all those terrible 90’s movies.
I want students to carry him by his nipples back to Mountaineer Field and sodomize him with the goal posts. I want WVU’s ticket office to sell out the stadium and allow each and every paying customer to do what he, she, or it wants to FraudRod.
After this ordeal is over, I want him sent to New Jersey with the rest of West Virginia’s trash.
I just want what’s best.
Filed under: the artist formerly known as CRR