Freshman To Take Smalligan’s Starting Position

MORGANTOWN — Mountaineer coach Bob Huggins today announced Jamie Smalligan, a season-long starter and often criticized for his poor play, has lost his starting center position.

Smalligan, once known as a three-point specialist, had been shooting 30.5% from the field and only 17.5% from beyond the arc. The move comes just two days removed from a Georgetown loss where Smalligan defended well but failed to record a rebound.

Smalligan’s replacement, freshman Kerri Kosten, is expected to immediately bolster the Mountaineers’ inside presence. Though a girl, only 5’2″, and both legally blind and deaf, Kosten brings a more physical style of play than the vanquished Smalligan.

Kosten first appeared on Coach Huggins’ radar before the Georgetown game where she was featured in a Daily Mail (Charleston, W.Va.) article as well as the intro to that night’s ESPN telecast.

“Listen, I know she’s not your typical center,” Huggins said, “but [expletive deleted], she’s better than that bald ball of suck she’s replacing. A guy that big and ugly should luck into a [expletive deleted] rebound once a game.”

Kosten, 20, already a minor celebrity on campus, is being lauded for overcoming the challenges of being blind and deaf, both of which are considered disabilities by the ADA. Smalligan’s disabilities, which include running and jumping, did not make the ADA list.

“The guy [expletive deleted] had the game of his life Saturday night and still only had 6 points and 0 rebounds,” continued Huggins. “I always joked that a blind and deaf girl could out rebound Smalligan. I guess now we’re going to find out.”

Mountaineer players, when reached for comment, reacted favorably to the news.

“This is [expletive deleted] sweet,” said sophomore forward Da’Sean Butler. “I know she’s blind and all, but she’s been throwing some sick no-look passes in practice. Most of the time, Smalligan just picks his nose. “

11 Responses

  1. Maybe she can teach all of them how to shoot a free throw. It ain’t hard to do it.

  2. I’ve loved every article on your site…until now. This is just wrong.

  3. Just remember 3, this is all in jest, and the girl was not made fun of at all, only smalligan, AKA’ed “the run ender”, or Rhymenocerous.

  4. Charley, totally agree with you. We have a little discussion going on over at lend me your eers. My conclusion: Hibbert is very overrated b/c if Smalligan pushed him around, but still didn’t record a rebound, then Hibbert should’ve had 20 boards.

  5. Anyone notice that Ms. Kosten became a Mountaineer sports fan after listening to the basketball team defeat New Mexico 88-85? That game was in November of 2001, and was won on a three-pointer at the end by Jonathan Hargett, who had 28 points and 8 assists that night. Very exciting game.

  6. “Some sick no look passes.” Phrases like these are why you get comments on your posts….and I don’t.

    I heard she doesn’t listen to a word Huggins says to her, though.

  7. Smalligan is training with a sensie in the ninga arts.

    Yes, ninga, the ancient study of basketball kung fu of center.

    The complete lack of ninga in Smalligan is very evident.

  8. You are an asshole.

  9. Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, don’t hide behind an expletive. We feel your pain. Unfortunately, we also experience pain every time we see you on the floor. Since your 3 point shot isn’t dropping and you never have been able to make a free throw, you might as well fill up water bottles and cruise the sales racks at Daniel’s for some snazzy suits for Huggy. Thanks for your contribution during the NIT and enjoy your free edumacation!

  10. No you are an asshole. HAHAHA got ya!

  11. […] week, if you remember, we ran a satirical post detailing Jamie Smalligan losing his starting position to Kerri Kosten, a WVU freshman. You see, Miss Kosten is both blind and deaf, which makes for the […]

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