Charley West For Athletic Director


As you’ve probably seen already, Ed Pastilong is set to retire on July 1, 2046 2010. At that point, he’ll stay on for another 13 2 years to tutor his successor. This is very big news, especially since we can enjoy it for another 2+ years. Really savor it. Or get bored with it, forget about it, and then remember it a year down the road.

But, at least for the next week, our attention turns to the next athletic director of this great university. Lots of names have been bandied about, including Mike Parsons and Craig Walker, the two most visible candidates. This short-list, however, ignores the best candidate for the job: Charley West. Yes, that’s right, me.

As athletic director, I would accomplish the following:

  1. Each scholarship football player would receive one designated knight of the roundtable to fight all nightclub fights. The better the player, the better the knight. Noel Devine, obviously, would get Lancelot. Ed Collington, if he were still on the team, would get the knight version of Radio.
  2. Dome Mountaineer Field at a cost of $125 million. Also, build a money counterfeiting machine.
  3. Jamie Smalligan will be publicly flogged to mark both the winter and summer solstice, as well as Flag Day.
  4. To honor its namesake and to increase ticket revenue, the Coliseum will host gladiator fights every Friday night. On a good day, only 50-60 people will die.
  5. Major Harris will be permanently displayed outside of the south gate at Mountaineer Field. A statue, you say? No, the real Major Harris.
  6. Never play Marshall in football again.
  7. Perlo Bastien will be appointed associate AD. He will promptly blow a key assignment, take the fall for something I did, and serve 18 months in minimum security prison.
  8. Using the aforementioned counterfeiting machine, assemble our own billion dollar paramilitary force, allowing us to run midnight bombing raids on Pitt’s campus and, more specifically, Dave Wannstedt’s house.

So, when you go to the polls in 2010, remember your good friend Charley West. I have fantastic vision, only embezzle a little, and promise not to lie about any blow jobs I may or may not receive while in office.


22 Responses

  1. Not sure where the knights of the roundtable thing came from, but kudos for mentioning Perlo.

  2. Why wait 2 valuable years to get rid of this son of a bitch. Fire the MF’er now! Before he can do more irrepairable harm. “is combibo , is has combibo , is mos combibo” translated fram a good book means “he sucks, he ha suckd, he will suck”.

  3. I would suggest a few additions to your platform.

    1. The womens soccer team’s uniforms will be provided by Victoria’s Secret and selected from its “Very Sexy” collection. (Lace is required)
    2. All students from New Jersey attending Mountaineer sporting events will be required to sit in a new section which is completely caged.

  4. What about WVians who used to live in NJ and kinda liked it?

  5. I too am throwing my hat in the ring. I propose ending all sports except football, basketball (mens and womens), womens soccer and rifle. Beer and liquor will be served at all sporting events. As for the New Jersey issue I have a much stronger plan than my opponent. We will annex Potomac State and make it a colony for all Jersey males wishing to attend the university, much like a leper colony. We’ll take their money, just not their mouth. Osa Nosa will be my running mate. The Revolution WILL be televised. That is all for now.

  6. WVians who lived in NJ and knida liked it should sit on their hands and give us a big thumbs up. Nothing good ever, EVER came out of Jersey. Not the Boss, not nothin’. That giant sucking sound you heard was not tinnitus, it was Jersey.

  7. My vote is for West! Except not you Charley. I want Jerry West. I don’t think anyone has near the experience as West does in operations and loyalty! His name alone would take pressure off current and future coaches in all sports.

    Perlo Bastien is a blast from the past. Just by mentioning that name it brings back so many memories of myself cursing emphatically as I watch #3 trailing the wideout by about 15 yards. Perlo is easily my number #1 hated mounty player of all-time.

  8. Nasty Nati:
    Osa will be paying you a visit. He doesn’t ask for votes, he creates them.

  9. I can only support this if the Coliseum fights feature Pitt, Virginia Tech, and Notre Dame fans. I have my standards. If we charge admission for that, we won’t NEED the money counterfeiting machines.

  10. Re “WVians who used to live in NJ and kinda liked it,” I recommend a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

    CW, if you need a compliance officer for your future staff, I hear Kelvin Sampson may be looking to get out of coaching.

  11. Yes, I vote West as well….but of the Jerry variety. Sorry Charley, no offense intended!

  12. Charley, you have my pledged support! i will donate money to this cause on 2 conditions. 1. After Perlo takes the fall, Charles Hales becomes your number two guy. Just cause I always liked him and he never got a fair shake. And 2. Ken Kendrick is presented on Mountaineer field at halftime of the opening game every season, naked, and tied up. The “Fans of the Game” winners finally get a reward when they get to try to shove a WVU football up his ass. The one who makes it in the farthest gets a free hat.

  13. Rich,

    What a fantastic concept? I need a new hat!

  14. Have you guy’s seen Rim Rod’s half time speech of the OSU vs UM b-ball game? This guy’s arrogance shows now boundaries!

  15. I watched the video, and realized the hooker standing with Rita behind him was his daughter! Shouldn’t his kids be in WV getting harrassed on a school night?

  16. You’re not competent enough to be dog catcher, let alone AD.

  17. Sorry, I am feeling lucky. Oliver Luck(y) that is.

    Could he, would he, should he be AD? Yes, Maybe, and Yes.

  18. Charley, I just happen to work at a newspaper – I’m SURE that I could sneak in some advertising for you. ha.

    Also, I’m using a different computer than I usual, so I’m sorry that you have to moderate this comment.

  19. …or not.

  20. As long as you publish a the newest WV childrens book “Hoe The Rich Stole Christmas” and have a statewide holiday where everyone gets to stay home and celebrate the 2008 Fiesta Bowl win while sending Rich Rod some lovely cards on OSU stationary, you’ll have my vote!

  21. […] couple months ago, as some of you may remember, I officially launched my grassroots campaign for Athletic Director of WVU. It was always going to be an uphill battle, but as a simple country boy — you might say a […]

  22. […] right, the campaign wages on (previous installments can be found here and here).  First, a few […]

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