Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch Syracuse and Northwestern Play “Football”

Syracuse and Northwestern open their respective seasons this Saturday, playing a game that could end the very existence of college football. Here is a list of things I would rather do than watch that game, as if the post title wasn’t descriptive enough:

  • Have sex with the girl on the right.
  • Colonoscopy.
  • Help Rich Rodriguez move.
  • Accept Dave Wannstedt’s invitation for a mustache ride.
  • Watch Ohio @ Wyoming.
  • Actually care what MGoBlog has to say about Mountaineer football.
  • Extra colonoscopy, just for fun.
  • Naked pillow fight with Pam Ward.
  • Let Pat McAfee kick me in the nuts.
  • Watch Illinois State @ Marshall.
  • Drive Rich Rodriguez to the airport.
  • Intentionally expose myself to harmful carcinogens (though, it could be argued that Syracuse vs. Northwestern is a harmful carcinogen).
  • Not have sex with Erin Andrews.
  • Watch James Madison @ Duke.
  • Water Rich Rodriguez’s plants while he’s on the road.
  • Third colonoscopy, this time without any anesthetic.
  • Enroll in classes at Pitt.
  • Dry hump a 2×4 full of splinters.
  • Commit seppuku, a Japanese form of ritualistic suicide by disembowelment.
  • Attend a NAMBLA meeting.
  • Poke my own eye out with my 1998 Insight Bowl commemorative lapel pin.
  • Masturbate to Brazilian fart porn.

Please, feel free to add your own in the comments.

13 Responses

  1. The girl on the right is none other than News Channel 5 – Clarksburg’s Sports Reporter Sam Lordi, main squeeze of BlueGoldNews’ Chris Richardson.

  2. This post just got significantly more awkward, didn’t it?

    “Big gulps, huh? Alright! … Well, see ya’ later!”

  3. Yes…yes it did.
    But even more hilarious, for sure.

  4. Cougars on the prowl Meowwww!

  5. I’ll have sex with the girl on the right.

    She looks like a former gymnast or cheerleader to me.

  6. hahaha BLOG FIGHT!

  7. and to add to the list:

    – Go shopping at the Kanawha mall.

    – Stop at the Cross Lanes exit for anything other than gambling.

    – Stop in Fairmont and not take a crap somewhere.

    – Eat at the Ponderosa by the Hospital Downtown.

  8. Ha! ….Yes…yes it did.
    But even more hilarious, for sure.

  9. I would like to add one too.

    Ride in the passenger seat with a driver from Ohio on the interstate

    or Jersey…..

  10. Charley please don’t poke your eyes out . . we are depending on you to drive us around in our old age . . .

  11. References to horrible Ohio drivers, the Kanawha Mall, and the wicked witch’s ugly sister all in the same post, I love this site. The only thing missing is sitting on Dickie V’s lap while he tells you all about Duke Basketball.

  12. Even I am creeped out by the “siting on Dickie V’s lap” comment.

    And I’d have sex with the girl on the right.

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