HCBS Interview

Extra, extra, read all about it. WBGV has an exclusive fake interview with HCBS. Charley and I were flown out to Colorado on the WVU jet to ask these probing and well thought out questions. We got some juicy information.

HCBS thanks for sitting down with us just hours before the big game.

What did you call me?

H-C-B-S, Head Coach Bill Stewart. See, we here at WBGV are lazy and try and abbreviate things to make life easy. By the way you haven’t said West By God Virginia in a long time so if you could work that in tonight on national TV it would be great. Also, if you could add a “.net” to the end it would be even better.

—stares at me like a dog watching two people have sex—–

Anyway, lets get down to business. How do you feel about tonight’s game?

We are going to come out fast and attack them from start. We have to out pop them in the mouth to show them that we mean business. We have to attackle and leave no…

Slow down now, you really need to stop saying that all the time. The effectiveness will wear off. How important is attackling going to be tonight?

If you don’t attackle, you can’t win the football game. I’m not talk about arm attackles either. I mean hardnosed head up, arm wrapped, and powering through attackling. That is how stop good teams like Colorado.

How are you handling all the criticism from WVU about the ECU loss?

Sometimes people will love you. Sometimes they will hate you. Right now they hate me because most people have cow manure for brains. I’ve got some pretty thick skin, so I can take it. Fans do need to be careful when criticizing the players. These are great young men, who lay it on the line for the people of this state every day on the practice field and every game day.

You said they didn’t play with heart during the ECU game. I should attackle you for saying that, because they are all heart. To be honest though, a lot of the people that are criticizing me need to get over the fact that the best times in their life were when they were playing high school football. Take off that letterman jacket, trade in the Trans Am, and shut up. They also need to come to grips with the reality that nobody wins every game. Do I want to win every game, dang gum right I do. By golly though, I’m a realist and in this day and age with scholarship limitations and quality of coaches nobody will win every game year after year. You are getting this old man pretty fired up.

Do you hate Rich Rodriguez?


Good answer.

I know you don’t think the altitude is going to affect the players much but is there anything special you will have them do during the game to fight the thin air.

I have been avoiding this question all week but I feel I can now reveal our strategy for the game tonight. (he kinda hunkers down Mr. Burns style and whispers) We are going to hold our breath out there tonight. If we don’t breath at all, the altitude can’t affect us. I am going to let them breath during warm-ups but when we run out of the tunnel for game time it is no breathing until the clock hits 0:00 in the 4th quarter.

That is why we came out so flat against ECU. That whole week we were only practicing holding our breath. We would line up on the practice field and the players had to hold it until they passed out. We built up some stamina but it hurt us a little during the ECU game. We won’t be gasping for air if we don’t breath. Pretty clever huh?

HCBS, on that note we are simply going to walk away and pray that you are joking. Good luck tonight, we will be watching. I hope we win tonight.


22 Responses

  1. Pretty good….lol.

  2. GOD Starks sucks big hairy balls.

  3. and HCBS too

  4. All you fuckers wanted Stew. Well we got him now.

  5. Is it basketball season yet?

  6. Ok. The Colorado game is over. No clock management. Chaos on the sidelines. McAfee chokes yet again. I argued against panic after the East Carolina game, but how it is time. Holy shit.

  7. Guys….Time to Panic? Just Checking in.

  8. i am at a loss for words but WTF????????????????????

  9. I swear if you cut my arm off blue and gold blood will spill out. but I just can’t believe this. 30 seconds and no time out called, complete chaos on the sideline. WTF!
    This is shitty beyond shitty. Yeah we scored 14 points and PW and ND and a few others played well. The defense looked better for sure… BUT POOR COACHING AND PLAY CALLING lost us that ball game. Pat McAfee missing that kick at the end did too…a 23 yarder? OMG, I’m going to go throw up, wonder if my puke is blue and gold….

  10. Nice fucking clock management. This team is in shambles. If we’re going to waste Pat White’s senior season for a “transition year”, we had better be pretty goddamn good in 2010.

  11. Wake me up in 5 years, because that is how far Bill Stewart will set back this program. Please for the love of God give me Doc Holliday.

  12. ok, it is time to panic. The last few minutes of the game where absolutely the worse coaching I have ever seen. What the fuck were they doing. Devine doesn’t go out of bounds and then not taking a TO. That really really sucked.

    I thought we would go 8-4 at the beginning of season, hell our offensive line should be good for a bunch of wins, right? but now I am wondering if we can finish with a winning record. What a waste of good fat guys. Colorado is not this good and shoved our fat guys around. Pitiful performance for the third game in row.

    At least the defense didn’t do all that bad except at the beginning and the end.

  13. ditto

  14. What A Great Guy HCBS ! What a terrible managament all around from play calling to head coaching! We are young in coaching and defense. We need to reload with new EVERYTHING and not rebuild ! Everyone stay strong and panic! IS IT BBALL season yet ?

  15. I second the hire Doc Holliday motion. It can’t get any worse.

    Actually we haven’t played Marshall yet…..strike that…

  16. I’m not even going to go into all of the reasons why this is so bad…but I can tell you one thing…if things hadn’t have transpired the way they did between the ex-coaching staff and our athletic department we would be 3-0 and (with the exception of Aurburn who we could have beaten) probably skated through the rest of this season. WHY! All the years of wanting to be the best and knowing it is in ALL OF US to prove we are a top tier program where we can build a tradition of being great and ONE loss to Pitt changes everything for us….BULLSHIT! WOW, this is pathetic. Effective immediately, we should have a NEW AD who will being NOW looking for a NEW HC who has actually coached an NCAA DIV 1 football team. I really feel bad for Pat White….

  17. I’m about to go ape sh!t here. Mullen is the absolute worst! Clock management, poor play calling, etc…

    I really at am a loss for words right now. O-line didn’t play up to snuff when we really needed it. Anyone playing against WVU when it’s 3 and short need not worry, we can’t convert those!!!

    I hate this negativity, but man this team looks terrible right now, from the Head Coach on down.

    I don’t feel like working tomorrow now.

  18. Anyone else feel that the Fiesta Bowl win might have been one of the worst things to happen to WVU in years?

  19. No ! it was a decision by the AD made!

  20. BCWVU, It was a decision made by the Governor and Garrison, I think the AD had very little to do with this hire.

  21. The ghost of Frank Cignetti looms!!! Remember the ‘ole 3 up the middle and out? My Grandma could have called the plays better last night………..and she is 96 years old.

  22. If the AD didn’t have anything to do with this hire then he should be fired for that reason period. He is afterall the person who is by definition is in charge of the coaches!

    Athletic director (commonly, “athletics director”) is a position at many American colleges and universities, as well as in larger high schools and middle schools, which oversees the work of the coaches and related staff involved in intercollegiate or interscholastic athletic programs. At some colleges, the athletic director may hold academic rank but this practice is on the wane.[citation needed] At most colleges, he/she is not a faculty member but a full-time administrator.[citation needed ]Modern athletic directors are often in a precarious position, especially at the larger institutions. Although technically in charge of all of the coaches, they are often far less well-compensated and also less famous, with few having their own television and radio programs as many coaches now do. In attempting to deal with misconduct by coaches, they often find their efforts trumped by a coach’s powerful connections, particularly if he is an established figure with a long-term winning record. However, in the case of severe coaching misconduct being proven, often the athletic director will be terminated along with the offending coach.

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