Auburn: They Are Not Worth Your Hate, Only Your Pity (and Even Then Not Really)

Dear Readers of West By God Virginia,

I am writing to you today at the behest of Mr. Charley West, whom you may know as the author of the blog you are currently reading. Mr. West contacted me earlier in the week in an attempt to procure some “shit talk,” as he so eloquently put it, from a fan of the biggest rival of your upcoming opponent, the Auburn War Eagles Plainsmen Tigers or, as we affectionately refer to them, “Little Sister.” Specifically he requested a brief post explaining why Alabama fans hate Auburn and why you, as fans of the Mountaineers, should as well.

As I explained to Mr. West, this is actually a tall order, considering Alabama fans are, by and large, routinely unable to muster the necessary concern towards our wayward neighbors to actually feel anything about them beyond apathy, annoyance and, in the cases of the truly kindhearted, pity. I won’t lie and say that losing six in a row hasn’t raised the choler of many of us, myself included, but at the end of the day they are, in fact, still Auburn, destined to live in the shadow of the Crimson Tide no matter what their successes or our failures.

Consider: Since 1996, the year Gene Stallings stepped down as the head coach of the Crimson Tide, Alabama has seen more turmoil in just over a decade than many programs have seen throughout the course of their entire existance. Five different coaches have been hired in that time span, with two of them being derailed by sordid sex scandals (one of whom never even coached a down because of it), one of them abandoning the program due to impending NCAA probation, and one landing the job by virtue of having played quarterback for the school in the 80s and not much more. The program was run into the ground and embarassed by all means imaginable, while Auburn rose to the ranks of the SEC “elite” during that time, and yet all of the focus remained on Alabama.

And it’s no just that they can’t get any respect in the state of Alabama, they’re a mere after thought around the rest of the country as well. During their undefeated 2004 SEC Championship season, they were left completely out of the national title discussion, while in subsequent years a one loss Florida and a TWO loss LSU team would get into the national title game by virtue of being the SEC Champion alone. When losing to unranked Arkansas to close out the regular season is less of a black eye than beating the Citadel (a weak schedule was the rote answer to why Auburn didn’t deserve to play for the MNC in 2004), you should probably get the hint that no one cares about you or your football team, no matter how good they may be.

I’m sure it’s been hard on them, constantly having to remind everyone how good they are and how they are deserving of your favorable attention. And I’m sure it’s even harder for them now, after puffing their chests over super QB Kodi Burns and the nigh invincible Tony Franklin Spread tm, how Alabama’s time is done and not even someone like Nick Saban can resurrect the Tide, and how they are the favorites to win the western division and should be included in any talks concerning the national title, only to wake up and realize that their offense is horrible, all that time The Great Savior Tommy Tuberville spent duck hunting in Arkansas should have been spent trying to land at least one decent recruit. And that Nick Saban has Alabama at 7-0, ranked #2 in the country, and in every discussion concerning the national title after only one year of rebuilding.

So no, we do not hate them. To hate them would show them the respect of actually caring about them, and considering no one else does, why should you? Good luck tonight, Mountaineers. You probably don’t need it.


Todd / Roll Bama Roll

P.S. Your comments section will be flooded with pithy rebukes like “SIX IN A ROW” “BAMMERS IS STUPID” and, our personal favorite, “BEAR IS DEAD” within five minutes of this being posted. Fair warning.


11 Responses

  1. “”Nothing matters more than beating that cow college on the other side of the state.”-Bear Bryant

  2. The actual quote is, “I’d rather beat that cow college than beat Texas 10 times.” Coach Bryant gave this statement as a response to a question from a reporter who slighted Auburn by pointing out the ‘greatness’ of Texas and calling Auburn…a cow college. Bryant was actually taking up for Auburn while trying to keep his players focused on the upcoming game with Auburn at the same time. Of course, that game was to become the (in)famous ‘Punt, Bama, Punt’ game, but it was a class move by Coach Bryant all the same. However, it’s been misquoted and misused ever since.

  3. Sordid sex scandals are nothing to be ashamed of. What I would give for Bill Stewart to be caught getting a lap dance from a midget gimp at Hummers.

  4. They are when the strip club where the stripper worked plays your fight song in their radio ads.

  5. I think a sex scandal involving Erin Andrews would be in order.

    But I digress…

    GO WVU!

  6. I like that sreen name

  7. Well, your ‘location’ in particular. I’d like to live there one day.

  8. Hang tight WVU. Your down right now but I have no doubt you will rally back and kick AllBarns but!

  9. who the fu+# is wvu anyway to be talking trash..your whole state is a joke..and your football team blows.sounds to me like your sister left u and all ur lame self can is talk trash about another football team..dude get a life..these two teams put together form one of the best rivalries in sports..what got people talking about a playoff system the 2004 auburn tigers..the national championship don’t matter..its all about the get off bamas dick and get a life..and how dare u turn our insignia upside down..I wish I could meet u I would knock ur toothless ass out

  10. ^^ Fag ^^

    Seriously? SEC > MNC? KYS.

  11. Ever heard of a rebuilding year?? I’m sure you have… seeing as how Alabama fell off the radar for like 10 years??… Something like that. You’re right, U of A people are stupid. Auburn is the classy school in Alabama; ranked higher academically and (usually) in NCAAF as well. Bama is just a bunch of redneck hicks. I think it’s funny that you say y’all dont hate us, you pity us. That is exactly how I feel about y’all. Georgia I hate, LSU I hate; but Alabama?? It’s laughable.
    Maybe it’s because I’m from the North and you and all your fans are just pathetic Nascar loving, dentist hating freaks… Who knows? One more thing, #2? HAHAHAHA omg that’s hilarious. I can’t wait to watch y’all fall. WAR DAMN EAGLE!
    ( and Bear IS dead… he IS… do you not know that? What are they teaching you over there?)

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