With Proper Lubrication, We Rule The World

Scene:  Deep inside the secret bunker located below the Puskar Center, Coach Bill Stewart and Equipment Manager Dan Nehlen “prepare” for the Meineke Car Care Bowl……

  OK, inventory check. Footballs?

  Check.

Jerseys?

Check.

Coal?

Huh?

Oil?

What?

Brains?

Sir, I’m confused.

Rocket-propelled grenades?

Wait, hold on just a…

If we’re going to run the world, we’re going to need all these things, damnit! Snow camo?

Coach Stewart, if I might ask, what in the hell are you talking about?

 We have enough coal to heat the world. We have enough oil to lubricate the world. And we have enough brains to run the world. So, naturally, we must take over the world.

With all due respect, sir, that’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.

 Call the foreign minister!

What foreign minister?

 Take us up to Defcon Four!

Sir, this is a football program.

 You want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.

What wall?

 You can’t handle the truth!

OK, sir, this is ridiculous.

 I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

You can’t just quote random military movie lines…

You had me at hello.

That’s from Jerry Maguire, sir.

Show me the money!

I think you might need a nap, sir. What do you think, Billy, do you need a nap? Maybe a cat-nap, meow?

Yeah, a nap sounds good. Will you read to me?

Sure, Billy.  How about Harold and Purple Crayon? Doesn’t that sound nice?

 Yay!

One evening, after thinking it over for some time, Harold decide to go for a walk in the moonlight.

…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

[Note: In case you haven’t seen it yet, bask in the glory of Billy]

17 Responses

  1. Well done Mr. West!

    Thanks for the morning laugh. Actually, it’s too close to the truth. Maybe I shouldn’t be laughing…

  2. Nicely done.

    I haven’t laughed like that since….well…the muppet thing a few days ago…

  3. Delusions of grandeur……?

  4. Still smiling…great job.

  5. Excellent post.

  6. He REALLY did say that …

    Billy … Billy … Billy

    I think you’re losing it.

  7. Don’t ever leave your huckleberry!!

    You shouldn’y have decorated your saloon with my friend!!!

    Pilgrim!!!!

  8. can anyone enlighten me as to the context of this quote by stewart. I am truly perplexed by the whole thing.

  9. chuckzub–he ended his presser by first stating, “And one last comment” (or something to that effect) and then began his incoherent rambling. Just like Billy Madison, we are all dumber now for having listened to it…….Simply unbelievable, huh?

    I thought the same thing. I HAD to find out the context before I passed judgment. I prayed that it wasn’t out of left field, but to no avail……He often says many things that either make our state look bad, makes himself look bad or perpetuates negative stereotypes of West Virginia.

    Thank God Charley West posted this and is getting the word out there of just exactly what we’re dealing with. He’s a lunatic.

  10. Bill Stewart = lunatic (not Charley West)

  11. chuckzub, I think it was all part of his “trust me there’s a method to my madness, you’ll see in a year or two” rant. I think he was trying to prove he has brains and everything is under control.

    Of course, it also might have been an attempt to build on his “I’m loyal and love West Virginia” rhetoric that many people find to be more important than scoring points.

    Whatever it was, it is WVU’s version allen iverson’s ‘practice’ or jim mora’s “playoffs?!”. Simply histerical soundbite.

  12. Think about this for a sec. Can you guys even imagine what the backlash of this would be if this happened to a New York, Philly or Boston sports team? It would LEAD Cowherd’s opening segment, be one of the front stories on Sportscenter and probably lead PTI and Around the Horn. Not saying that it should, but I’m trying to point out the differences in media attn. this would get in one of the EC cities.

  13. I pulled this from EDSBS; sad, just sad.

    Meineke Car Care Bowl, West Virginia vs. North Carolina, Charlotte, N.C. Bank of America Stadium, Dec. 27, 1 p.m. ESPN

    Stewart lubricates world with magical Suck-Oil. Poor Pat White.

  14. Some of you are like high school girls. You just love drama. Hell, some of you would probably still go down on your ex if he called you up late at night.

    It was a terrible attempt to tell the haters to shut the fuck up. It obviously did not work.

    We are not one of those big EC cities. We are West “By God” Virginia and we could care less about the petty BS that gets in the way in those BIG cities. If you love them so much go follow one of their teams.

  15. 5YS–???? Where did all that hostility come from mo’fo? I was just bringing up the point that it would be littered in the media, and in WV it won’t be. Plain and simple. Nothing more. I live, breathe, bleed WVU, Pens, Bucs and Stillers and am not from the EC.

    I wouldn’t compare my pleading of blowing this thing up and starting from scratch, and therefore sacrficing the next 2-3 years of Mountie football, to rumor talk among 16 year old girls. They speak of rumors. I speak of something that regretably happened.

  16. WV Gazette
    http://www.wvgazette.com/Sports/WVU/200812070494

    Daily Mail
    http://www.dailymail.com/Sports/WVUSports/200812090109

    Two of the best papers in the state had articles today. That seems like a lot of attention. Asking my father there was a segment about it on the local sports news and on Hoppy Kerchival’s Talkline show today. Seems like some attention to me.

  17. What did Hoppy have to say?

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