Everyone Loves Summer Camp

…at least when that summer camp involves Mountaineer football. My camp never did. It was disguised as “active camp,” but fat camp by any other name is still fat camp. But, you know what? It worked. Three bouts of bulimia later and I weigh a very healthy 200 pounds.

Anywho…the 2008 version of the West Virginia Mountaineers opened camp today in Morgantown. If you’re like me, you’re as giddy as a schoolgirl. This day has been 8 months in the making, and we’re finally hitting the home stretch of the countdown to football season. And once that season starts, the silly distractions of the Product Rodriguez fiasco and “is our baseball coach in the KKK” finally go away. We can finally focus on making opposing defenses look silly and killing our respective livers with booze.

Which is just fine by me.

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Mountaineer Sports Is My Viagra!

Hot

Everybody panic! Oh, my God, WBGV is back on the college football blog scene! They will take no prisoners and kill everyone who does not play with heart! Your reward for playing well will be escaping this deathtrap with your life! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love the tender meat! Cover your sodas! 5th Year loves sugar!

I had high hopes for that introduction, but I just couldn’t pull it together, so I moved on. “That football feeling” has been in me since I moved south. It is almost impossible not to have “that football feeling” in SEC country. You turn on sports talk radio and it is all you hear. Carolina this, Climpsin that. And the SEC is the best at everything, especially being too gay to function.

SEC country reminds me of Communist North Korea: they indoctrinate everyone with constant talk and I even think they add hormones to the drinking water.

Anyway, I’m happy to be back and get ready, this will be a good season. Only 31 days away!

Get Your Shit Ready, We’re Back

Seriously, we’re back. No, really. Back. As in posting again, trying to make people laugh (emphasis on trying).

We’re a month away from football season, and finally we have that football feeling again. By the way, “that football feeling” is very much like the feeling you get leaving the bar with a fine young coed, minus the lingering burning sensation during urination. So, we’re going to dust off The 25314 and 5th Year Senior, get them all hopped up on Mountain Dew and Quaaludes, and see what happens. I’m warning you, hijinx could ensue.

Crystal Ball Of Fun

asdf

There are only sixty-five days until the season begins and preseason prognostications are flying in from publications across the nation. Everyone from Pat Forde to stupid SEC fans wearing jean shorts have an opinion of what will happen this upcoming season. I’ve been in hiding these last few weeks crunching the numbers, punching babies, and doing copious amounts of barbiturates to come up with some predictions for upcoming season.

If you hate lists then this is not something you want to read. If you can’t read lists you graduated from Auburn. And finally, if it burns when you pee and your wife beats you, then you graduated from Pitt.

Enough of the nonsense and on to my predictions which always make me look like an idiot.

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When Was the Last Time Colorado Was Good at Football?

If you said, 2001,  you are correct.  That was the last time the once proud Buffaloes lost fewer than five games in a season.  Since then, Colorado has changed from a coach who used sex to recruit players (and epically responded to a female kicker’s allegations of harassment by saying she  was an “awful” player who “couldn’t kick the ball through the uprights” ), to a coach who gave the world the following golden nugget.  I’ve already booked my flight to Boulder to see some Division One football…if not for the sex and drugs.

 

Disclaimer: The 25314 completely supports recruiting with sex, and in no way is inferring that Gary Barnett did anything wrong…except for all the raping.

One Lovable Ticking, Psychopathic Time Bomb

Spencer Hall, aka Orson Swindle, wrote something about us. Here is what I thought about it.

It’s difficult to talk West Virginia football without having someone throw a flaming object or whiskey bottle at you, and let me be the first to say, good for you, flaming object/whiskey bottle thrower. It’s that kind of passion for football that lands you in jail once every three years or so, keeps you checking the message boards and makes you the lovable ticking, psychopathic time bomb passionate football fan you are. With just a little more enthusiasm and a few more misdemeanor charges on your record, you could even pass for an SEC fan.

The only thing keeping us from being an SEC fan base is numbers. Hell, Alabama has us outnumbered 3-1 and Florida 14-1. Just think of all the extra jean shorts and attempted murders of children after losses that equates to — it’s absolutely mind boggling. And, mind you, neither of those offenses are misdemeanors. Jean shorts are punishable by death in some states.

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2008 WVU Football Wish List

  1. National Championship
  2. Kiss a girl.
  3. Have Pac-Man make it rain at Hummers after being appointed Interim University President.
  4. Steal Dave Mustache’s wandstache right before the Pitt game, in the old college prankster tradition.
  5. Have Pat white win the Heisman. Continue reading