Tonight: The Heat Is On

But it’s a dry heat.

It’s finally here. Like Christmas morning, it’s the first day of the NCAA tournament. It’s a 10 hour orgy of college basketball and Greg Gumbel’s mini-perm (Ed. note — Gumbel orgy is the best kind of orgy).

The BIGGEST game of the day is also the last game of the day: #7 WVU v. #10 Arizona. Arizona may have talent and a freshman phenom point guard, but Joe Alexander is coming for the Wildcats, and hell Bob Huggins is coming with him.

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The Key To Tonight (And Beyond)


Screenshots Previewing Tomorrow




NCAA Pants Party: West Virginia

A few weeks ago, I (very modestly) informed you that I would be writing the West Virginia portion of Deadspin’s NCAA Tournament preview. Well, yesterday, that preview was posted for all to see.

Check it out.

Thanks Arizona, Arizona +11.5

Yes, that’s right, Arizona has defeated the #2 ranked Oregon Ducks. Arizona, known for it’s high deserts, John McCain, and undefended illegal border crossings, now can claim an even bigger prize: helper of Mountaineer football (and my bank account). After the #1 LSU Tigers and #2 Whoever Survives The Big-12 Jaysoogers, the Mountaineers effectively rank #3 in the BCS.

So, you’re asking yourself, what is the best case scenario? Well, here it is (all points assuming we win out):

  1. LSU loses the SEC Championship Game, most likely Georgia…in the Georgia Dome. Odds: 2-1.
  2. Oklahoma loses on the road to Texas Tech. Anything can happen with Texas Tech. Oklahoma then goes on to win the Big 12 Championship. Odds: 6-1.
  3. LSU loses on the road this weekend to Ole Miss. Odds: 8-1.
  4. Missouri loses on the road this weekend to Kansas State. Classic trap game. If this happens, and Missouri can beat both Kansas and Oklahoma, we go to the National Championship game. Odds: 12-1.

Taken individually, each is unlikely to happen. Considered together, however, there is a decent probability that one of these will happen. Of course, there are other scenarios, but these seem to be the four most likely.

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The Perfect Swarm

I hate to early-call this game, but things really don’t look good for Oregon right now. Their star quarterback is injured, they’re down 13, and the momentum is squarely on the side of Arizona. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t like to cheer for any injury — unless it’s Marvin Graves — but Dixon going down has allowed Arizona to truly believe that they can win tonight. Plus, the priceless look on the Oregon fans faces will keep me warm tonight.

Bear Down!


10:15 — Down 20. What has two thumbs and has Arizona +11.5? This guy!

10:45 — Well, if there was any doubt, we have now figured out that Oregon is a one-man show. Without Dixon, they look like a high school team.

As of right now, we are essentially the 3rd ranked team in the country. LSU is #1, the winner of the Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri derby is #2, and we are #3.

11:20 — Arizona girls are hot.

11:30 — Why is there an “R” before “Gronkowski” on the jersey? Are we going to mistake him for another Gronkowski on Arizona? Is that like Smith on that team?

11:50 — What a ridiculous play. I know when I gain 50 yards on a fake punt, the first thing I want to do is a flying somersault with the ball exposed. Great work guy.

12:05 — I have been silently praying for an Arizona win for the past 15 minutes. And by praying, I mean drinking.

12:15 — Shit. Fuck. Bitch. Wannstedt. Damn. 31-24 Arizona.

12:30 — Well, that was pretty lucky. Always nice when a fumble is overturned because your QB is so inept he can’t walk 2 yards without falling down.

12:35 — Please, please, please let that hold up.

12:45 — Ladies and gentlemen, that will do it. If you have a voodoo doll or you believe in any type of black magic, start doing your worst against LSU. We are the #3 team in the nation.

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