Charley West For Athletic Director!

That’s right, the campaign wages on (previous installments can be found here and here).  First, a few updates:

  • I have declined to accept public financing.  With my legions of supporters and my adept skills at embezzlement, funding for the campaign should be plentiful.  I also plan on robbing elderly women and orphanages.
  • As of right now, I am running unopposed.  I am always on the lookout for some opponent to start running television or radio ads, but I haven’t seen anything yet.  Either they’re too scared or they’re planning some sneak smear attack.  Either way, me and my army of zombies will be ready.  Which brings me to…
  • I have assembled an army of zombies.  And not just any zombies, former Mountaineer basketball zombies.  Guys like Leon Agnew, LeVon Lamb, Steve Berger, Jeremy Bodkin, and Tom Beynon may have been long forgotten by Mountaineer faithful, but they will be the centerpieces of my campaign.  As zombies.  I mean, mostly they’ll just be registering people to vote and handing out bumper stickers, but if any opponent crosses me — watch out!  Zombie attack! 

OK, so you’re pretty much up to date on the campaign. We can now turn our attention to unveiling more of my platform…

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The Revolution Will Be Televised (On Versus)

A couple months ago, as some of you may remember, I officially launched my grassroots campaign for Athletic Director of WVU. It was always going to be an uphill battle, but as a simple country boy — you might say a cockeyed optimist — I figured I had as good a chance as any.

You may even remember some of my campaign platforms:

1. Each scholarship football player would receive one designated knight of the roundtable to fight all nightclub fights. The better the player, the better the knight. Noel Devine, obviously, would get Lancelot. Ed Collington, if he were still on the team, would get the knight version of Radio.

3. Jamie Smalligan will be publicly flogged to mark both the winter and summer solstice, as well as Flag Day.

5. Major Harris will be permanently displayed outside of the south gate at Mountaineer Field. A statue, you say? No, the real Major Harris.

Well, thanks to the shenanigans surrounding the Garrison regime, my chances just got a little better.

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Charley West For Athletic Director

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As you’ve probably seen already, Ed Pastilong is set to retire on July 1, 2046 2010. At that point, he’ll stay on for another 13 2 years to tutor his successor. This is very big news, especially since we can enjoy it for another 2+ years. Really savor it. Or get bored with it, forget about it, and then remember it a year down the road.

But, at least for the next week, our attention turns to the next athletic director of this great university. Lots of names have been bandied about, including Mike Parsons and Craig Walker, the two most visible candidates. This short-list, however, ignores the best candidate for the job: Charley West. Yes, that’s right, me.

As athletic director, I would accomplish the following:

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