EXCLUSIVIE: Huggs Shows Them Some Love

In an unprecedented move CBH gave WBGV a sneak peek at the Valentine’s Day card he will be giving his team before the Rutger’s game. He will also have champagne chilled in hopes that his team plays better drunk than they do sober.

While he did not come out and say this, I am sure the decision to release the card was in response to all those pussies saying that he is to mean to his players.
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Exclusive: Rodriguez’s Letter To Garrison

As per Chuck Finder’s “bombshell” piece in today’s Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Rich Rodriguez wrote a letter dated January 10 to President Mike Garrison. In that letter, Rodriguez stated that Garrison reneged on a verbal promise, before he was actually installed as President, to lower or do away with the buyout clause in the coach’s contract. It was this promise that convinced Rodriguez to sign his extension at WVU.

Late last night, WBGV obtained an exclusive copy of that letter. In it, Rodriguez states compelling reasons why the buyout was to be lowered and apparently, has hard evidence to back up these claims. This letter is a damaging hit to the University and may forever sully our reputation. It also virtually guarantees that we see none of the $4 million payment as was previously expected.

Below is the actual letter.

buyout.png

Rodriguez and Pastilong: An Exclusive

Earlier today, in a secret meeting, Coach Rich Rodriguez and Athletic Director Ed Pastilong sat down to discuss the day’s events. Ever the attentive reporters, WBGV had a spy in the room. What follows is a word-for-word transcript:

Coach Rich Rodriguez (CRR): Hey, Ed, funny to see you here.

Ed Pastilong (EP): Really, why’s that?

CRR: Oh, no reason. We never get to talk these days.

EP: Yeah, we really don’t. Especially about you covertly flying to Toledo to meet with Michigan’s officials, you son of a bitch.

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Q&A With Mike Casazza

Just about the same time we were setting up shop here at WBGV, Mike Casazza was doing the same with his WVU blog (which can be found at http://blogs.dailymail.com/wvu). Of course, being a Mountaineer beat writer for the Daily Mail, Mike’s thoughts get front-page treatment on the paper’s website (yes, we’re jealous). Either way, we forgave Mike for the silver-spoon birth of his blog and asked (read: begged) him to answer a few of our questions. Luckily, he agreed. What followed was one of the more honest takes on Mountaineer sports you’ll find anywhere; newspaper, blog, or otherwise.

The interview begins after the jump…

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Exclusive: Leavitt’s Pre-Game Pep Talk

We here at WBGV have been given unprecedented access to the USF locker-room in the days preceding the game. When I say “access” I mean I got the only female equipment manager drunk off Mike’s Hard Lemonade, stole her keys, and did some reconnaissance work in Leavitt’s office.

We set-up many different camera in Coach Leavitt’s office, including one under his desk. We felt this would be invaluable seeing as how he would be cowering under there by Wednesday at the mere thought of West Virginia’s potent offense. Unfortunately for us we discovered that Coach Leavitt likes to wear heels while preparing his pre-game pep talk.


FRIGHTENING

We also saw the words of inspiration that he will use to pump his team up before Friday’s game:

Fella’s we can accomplish great things if we work together. Tonight we have a chance to show the nation what South Florida football is all about.

These are the moments you have been waiting for your whole life. National TV…a sold out stadium full of kids who weren’t smart enough to get into any other school in Florida (pause for laughter)…your parents got out of jail for one day to come see you play (hurry to next sentence before you get a cap popped in your ass).

Look at the fella to your left (no your other left) and now to your right (damn idiots your other right) and know that these are the brothers you are going to war with tonight.

We are going to take the field and run all over those hillbillies from West Virginia. (pause again for laughter) Yeah I know fellas we are fucked because they are real fast and real good but Erin Andrews might be here tonight and I hope I get a chance to motorboat those big tatas like Pat White did last weekend.

Alright get the hell out of here I need to change into men’s clothing before the game starts and I know you don’t want to see my cross-your-heart bra again.


YIKES

The Kragthorpe Diaries I


Oh. Shit.

I am so completely fucked. Utterly, totally, didn’t have the courtesy of a reach-around fucked.

It all looked so rosy. Top 10 program. Orange Bowl champion. How could I screw this up? I couldn’t. No way. I single-handedly turned Tulsa around. Tulsa for fuck’s sake. You think anyone wants to go to Tulsa? Shit no. But there I was, winning games and making Steve Kragthorpe a household name.

Everybody wanted a piece of The Krag. Programs wanted me. Schools across the country were throwing money at me. Taking me to expensive restaurants. Showering me with gifts. Setting me up with hot ass ladies. Sure I’m married, but not when I’m on the road. On the road, The Krag has to get him some split-tail, you know what I’m saying? As long as that shit stays on the DL, The Krag is all good.

Man, was I having a good time. Especially in Louisville. Remember this story? You should’ve seen the red-carpet they rolled out for me. A box at Churchill. Dinner at the Penndennis Club. That shit was off the hook. I didn’t see a minority the entire day. That’s how it was in Montana and that’s just how The Krag likes it.

That was 9 months ago. Today? It’s like someone took a dump on my chest. What the fuck? I won a Liberty Bowl, I don’t deserve this shit.

How the hell did we lose to Kentucky? Good lord, Kentucky. Who’s even their head coach? Is it Saul Smith? I don’t have a clue.

I have no idea how it went wrong, either. What’d you say? We need to play defense? Fuck that. Have you seen our offense? It’s sick. It’s like the 2000 Rams in Madden. I used to play in my office on my old Dreamcast. I owned that game. Brian Brohm is Kurt Warner, Anthony Allen is Marshall Faulk, Mario Urrutia is Torry Holt, Harry Douglas is Isaac Bruce, and some other white dude on our team is Ricky Proehl. Man, wasn’t Ricky Proehl sick?

I just don’t get it. With this offense, who would’ve thought we needed to play defense. Not me. And I’m the best coach in America. If I didn’t see it coming, no one could. Not even Knute fucking Rockne himself. And he was half the coach I am. Plus he’s dead, so he doesn’t know shit.

And don’t even get me started on Syracuse. Luckily I swallowed some Oxycontin at halftime so that game was a fucking blur.

All this shit is giving The Krag a headache. All I wanted to do was win a national championship. It shouldn’t be this hard. It wasn’t this hard when I was taking Tulsa to the Humanitarian Bowl. I mean, pulling decent ass in Boise was hard, but the football part was still easy.

This fucking blows. What the hell am I going to do? Ah, fuck it, I’m going down to the Magic Dragon for a rub and tug. Gotta get my mind off this shit.

Lou Holtz: An Excluthive Interview


This week, in the lead up to the East Carolina game, we contacted Head Coach Skip Holtz to sit down for an interview with us here in our WBGV studios. Unfortunately, Coach Holtz was unavailable due to a busy schedule alternating between game-planning for WVU’s offense and puking.

Lucky for us, Coach Holtz suggested a suitable alternative for our interview: his father, Lou Holtz.

Let the awesomeness begin:

Charley West: Coach Holtz, it truly is an honor to interview you. Again, thanks for stopping by.

Lou Holtz: Yur welcom, Charley Weth.

CW: Actually, it’s pronounced West.

LH: Thath wath I thaid, Weth.

CW: Right… So, Coach Holtz, how do you like your gig on ESPN?

LH: O, I luv E-ETH-P-N. They are tho nice to me. Giving me the upportunitee to give my famouth pep talkth.

CW: Yeah, we have really been enjoying those over the past few weeks. We especially enjoyed your quip about playing USC over UCLA because it was easier to spell…

LH: Wath a kwip?

CW: Like a joke.

LH: I wathnt joking.

CW: Alrighty then. How do you like ECU’s chances this weekend against WVU?

LH: Wath? Too many letterth.

CW: E-C-U is your son’s team, and W-V-U is the #5 team in the nation.

LH: O yea, I lub Skip.

CW: Lub? What the hell does that…ohh, love. Got it now. We’re sure you do love your son Lou, but what about his football team?

LH: E-THEE-U ith a tough team to beat. They like to cometh up running the foothball.

CW: Actually, they’re a passing team, Lou.

LH: Whathever. I don’t watch the gameth.

CW: You don’t watch your own son’s games?

LH: I hav to practith my pep talkth in front of a mirror for hourth before I go on E-ETH-P-N. Thath why they’re tho good.

Usually, we take this moment to thank our guest for his time. Unfortunately, between wiping our face free of spittle and interpreting the text of Coach Holtz’s interview, we just don’t have the energy.