What Is That Smell?

Normally, West Virginia ships its trash to New Jersey but this Saturday the trash will be sent back our way as Rutgers visits Morgantown. The Schiano Knights are coming off a HUGE win against FCS opponent Morgan State. Now that is a win you can build your program around.

Rutgers has never won in Morgantown and look to continue that tradition by building on its 1-3 season record with a loss to the Mountaineers on Saturday. While I will not be in attendance I can picture the scene now.

Wavy lines and that doooodoooodooodooodooodooo noise….
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Rutgers Football: We Barely Knew ‘Ye

Rutgers v. UNC (Live Blog)

Rutgers do not screw up and make the Big East look bad on national TV. You should easily handle this bunch of Tar Heel pansys. They wear “Carolina” blue. Just go back to the days, when you were a kid, playing the game smear the queer.

I’m not PC get over it. We’re live after the jump…

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Program in Meltdown: Rutgers

Note: This is part four of a four part series. Parts one (Louisville), two (Syracuse), and three (Pitt) ran previously.

Now, let me clear here: I am using this word “program” very generously when I talk about Rutgers.

So far, Rutgers has shown that it can win only when Ray Rice is in the backfield.  Before Rice?  Nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.  They were Greg Robinson bad before Greg Robinson was bad.  And that’s tough to do (and follow).

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Trashy V-Day


No, V-Day doesn’t stand for the day in junior high school that Patrick Beilein contracted his first venereal disease (which, ironically, coincided with him shaving his arms and legs and going to the tanning bed for the first time), nor does it stand for Valentine’s Day, the day invented by women to display how badly they have 5th Year Senior their man whipped.

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Rutgers Student Gameday Diary!

9:00 a.m. Why the fuck is it so loud outside, who is this skank beside me, and why the fuck am I wet? Oh shit, I pissed the bed again, “MAAAAA.” I’m at school my ma isn’t here…don’t cry think. This skank isn’t up yet so I’m going to roll her ass to the wet side and blame this on her.

9:15 Damn this girl is fat what was I thinking? Oh yeah, I can’t do any better than this I go to Rutgers. Hey skank wake up you pissed the bed. Get the hell out.

9:30 Shit dawg, we play those hillbillies from western Virginia today. Time to get ready

11:30 That didn’t take as long as I thought and I look good. All black today and I look good. I hope I put enough gel and hairspray in my hair to hold up to the rain. Someone get me a Heineken and a Red Bull.

11:31 I’m already fucking hammered drunk and ready to rage in that stadium. CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP

11:32 I’m so drunk I just threw up off the deck. When are we going to the club? Fuck, I meant stadium I’m so drunk I can’t even think straight.

12:15 GAME TIME BITCHES! I’m actually matching the team today that is sssuppperrr. CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP

12:30 I’m wetter now than I was this morning in my bed. We better score a touchdown soon or I’m going to be pissed. These rednecks are fast but we can chop wood.

12:35 Damn, they scored. Roid rage building.

12:57 Damn, they scored again. Roid rage building. We need to do something so I can use all the redneck jokes like are you married to your fuckin’ sister.

1:45 17 – 3 at half this sucks my left nut which is small because I do steroids but the fat chicks love muscle.

3:15 We just lost again to those fucking hillbillies and I can’t control the roid rage. I’m going to beat some mountaineers’ ass. Yo, sister fucker, fuck your momma or your wife whatever that fat cow is walking beside you. Let’s rumble!

4:30 Where am I? My head hurts and I’m bleeding. I just got knocked the fuck out!

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You Got Knocked The F–k Out

Yes, you, Rutgers. Dominated. Owned. Pwned. Whatever you want. The tradition of Rutgers being West Fuckin’ Virginia’s bitch continues.

Just ask Ray Rice:

“We got outplayed,” said Rice, who rushed for 142 yards on 30 carries and became the first Rutgers player to surpass 1,000 yards rushing three times. “They came out here and executed, and we didn’t.”

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Rutgers, at times, moved the ball on the ground against WVU. But even during these stretches, not once did they make the “big play,” turning sustained drives into points. Each time, WVU met that challenge. Sure, Rutgers shot themselves in the foot by dropping passes, but more times than not WVU’s defense stepped-up in key situations. Even if WVU’s offense played awful, the defense would have kept us in this game.

But, of course, the WVU offense didn’t play awful. They didn’t just play average. They played pretty fucking amazing. Finally, it seems, the luster we lost during the USF game has been replaced. No longer is the execution — and playcalling — in some type of comatose. They’re both alive and well. The best example of this was the 51 yard slip screen thrown to Steve Slaton against an all-out blitz from Rutgers. Maybe it’s luck to catch Rutgers at their most vulnerable, or maybe it was good preparation and a good call. One way to know is if this awesomeness continues, which after these last 3 games, I have no reason to think it won’t.

Other random thoughts:

  • It was good to see Noel Devine get back into action, though his 6 carries for 40 yards came when the game was already well in hand. Either way, any experience is good experience.
  • WVU goes on the road and beats a 25th ranked Rutgers squad that had beaten USF the week before. Arizona State beats a similarly-ranked Cal team at home and finally Arizona State is for real. I know ASU is unbeaten, but does anybody actually think they’re a better team than WVU? Dennis Erickson might even agree with me. Luckily, it’s only a few years until they’re on probation.
  • Arizona State is so good, they have opened as a 7 point dog against Oregon. Seeing as how Oregon is the much stronger team, we have to cheer for ASU in this one, though a road win is unlikely.
  • Fox Sports/CFN are still projecting WVU to the national title game. Stranger things have happened, I suppose. (5th Year Senior will be back later today with a full BCS post.)
  • I have absolutely no idea what this means. Any ideas?

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Actually, We’re Going Up

After watching this video, it’s safe to say I would rather live in Britney Spears’ vagina than live in New Jersey. At least it’s cleaner.

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Picture > 1,000 Words

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Road To The BCS: Rutgers

We’ve been half-assing our game previews since, well, this blog started. Starting today and continuing before each game, we’ll be rolling out a more complete look at the upcoming game. Today, we turn to Rutgers.

When WVU is on offense:

When Pat White, Steve Slaton and the rest of the offense take the field, the offense will look much different than the one that Rutgers saw last year. With a revamped offense line that will likely be revamped again this week and a healthy Pat White; Rutgers will see a lot more runs during this contest.

After watching the South Florida-Rutgers game, I’m pretty sure Rod will be attacking the same things I saw. Look I’m not saying I’m a football coach, or could play one on TV, but some things were obvious. Case in point, the number of times Matt Grothe was able to get outside the tackles and take advantage of Rutgers linebackers over pursing plays. Therefore, I look for a lot of fake handoffs to Slaton and Schmidt up the middle and White get on the outside and cut up the field. (Imagine the first play from scrimmage against Mississippi State) Also, West Virginia needs to avoid having White sit in the pocket. The Bulls did more of this with Grothe in the second half which led to five Rutgers sacks.

Most importantly, WVU just needs to avoid turnovers and sloppy play. In their last two big road games (Louisville ’06 and South Florida ’07), West Virginia was ultimately done in by these two factors. Because of the South Florida game, White and Slaton have taken a hit nationally; this is their game to get back on track.

When WVU is on defense:

The key to this game is stopping Ray Rice. The key to stopping Ray Rice is hitting him before he really gets his momentum going. Rice is one of the best down hill runners in college football. He destroyed USF last week between the tackles. We need to keep Wicks close to the line on the edge to allow the linebackers to plug the middle if a hole opens.

So after we lock down Rice, with the 11th best rush D in the country, we have nothing to worry about because Mike Teel is not good enough to beat the number 5 pass defense in the country. Mundy locks down the deep ball and with a re-energized Johnny Dingle ready to decapitate Teel we are looking pretty good. If Teel does have time, Lankster will be covering Underwood, like we all wish panties would cover Britney’s vajayjay.

Over the past few weeks, except for the deep pass in the USF game, this D has made me a believer. If we lock down Rutgers, the rest of the nation is soon to follow.


WVU has historically dominated Rutgers, to the tune of 28-4-2. The last loss came in 1994. That record, however, is misleading, because this Rutgers program is nothing like the one that took an 80-7 whooping by an awful WVU squad in 2001.

Greg Schiano is a star coach in this conference, probably only second to our own Rich Rodriguez. Luckily, though, Schiano doesn’t (yet) have our number, like USF’s Jim Leavitt. That said, Schiano’s squad put up a helluva fight last year in Morgantown. Then again, that game was played without start QB Pat White. White is expected to play the entire game tomorrow afternoon. Another huge difference between last year and tomorrow is the Rutgers defense. What was once a very fast, experienced squad is still fast, but graduation has really hurt this defense. A defense that eventually gave up 41 points to WVU with its backup QB.

This is a stern test, but not one that should keep us out of the BCS picture. After Rutgers’ win against USF, a win tomorrow will make more than a ripple on the national landscape. This is a good win, if we can get it. Our bet? We get it.

WVU (-6) 27
Rutgers 14

Stiles (loves underdogs)

Washington State +6 vs. UCLA
NC State +4 vs. Virginia
South Carolina +2.5 @ Tennessee
Mississippi State +14 @ Kentucky
UConn +4.5 vs. USF

5th Year Senior

Purdue -12.5 vs. Northwestern
Florida -7.5 vs. Georgia
Nebraska +21.5 @ Texas
FIU +40.5 @ Arkansas
Clemson -3.5 @ Maryland

Charley West

Indiana +8.5 @ Wisconsin
Colorado +12.5 @ Texas Tech
UConn +4.5 vs. South Florida
Texas A&M +2.5 vs. Kansas
Michigan State -3 @ Iowa

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Rutgers Has a Knight Mascot

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Sleep With Me Instead

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Greg Schiano Hunter

Take the New Jersyian, for example, my favorite animal. There are 23 species. Seventeen of those species are rare or endangered. Sixteen of which have some type of sexually communicable disease. They’re on the way out, no matter what anyone does or says, you know. No matter how many weights they lift, they just can’t make it in this new world.

But today, today we’re hoping to get lucky. We’re on the search for one of the most dangerous and elusive New Jerseyians in all the land. In fact, only one of these massive “guidos” is known to exist. To find him, we must search in his natural habitat: the club. The club most resembles the savannahs of Africa. An open plain where danger lurks right around the corner. This is a kill or be killed world, to be sure.

We can distinguish this particular guido by the prominent gap in his front teeth. But don’t get too close, as he is very, very dangerous. Because when he strikes it can be that quick that if they’re within range, you’re dead, you’re dead in your tracks. Outside of the Komodo Dragon, Greg Schiano is THE single most dangerous predator. He’s absolutely ruthless.

CRIKEY, there he is. It’s Greg Schiano. Now stand back everyone, don’t get too close. Marvel at the beauty of his hair, groomed perfectly with gel and product.

And look, he’s sired a brood of younger guidos. This is absolutely fantastic. The endangered species is being rebuilt. But we must be careful. When he’s protecting his young, he’s especially dangerous. The entire brood might react as if on cocaine. They’re that unstable.

Look at the beauty of the brood. Watch as they move as a group throughout the club, flirting with each female New Jersyian. Look as the bigger guido is more dominant with the female as the smaller ones stay to the back and lick themselves.

Quite the sight indeed!

[I have no idea who originally photoshopped this, but I first saw it on The Sports Nirvana, so credit goes to them — for now. Feel free to correct me.]

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Rutgers Football: A Timeline

Rutgers fans, as we all know, are unbearably proud of their recent achievements in football. Unfortunately, at least for us, they completely ignore over 100 years of history in putridity, which I’m pretty sure is a word.

So, as I am always in the mood to shut up a Rutgers fan, I present to you a very simple timeline. It shows Rutgers football, both then and now.

First, then (1994)…

Look at Jon Cryer dancing in that sea of humanity. There were tens of people both in the stands and at the tailgates. The buzz around the stadium was unbelievable. And you couldn’t even hear the background music of the “R — U” cheers. Wow, just wow.

OK, how about we fast forward 13 years to “now”…

…and they’ve regressed.

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It’s Rutgers Week

Mississippi State is barely a day in the books and already my attention has turned to Rutgers. And by attention, I mean making New Jersey jokes and searching for Jamie-Lynn Sigler on Celebrity Movie Archive.

After opening as a 6.5 point favorite, the line on the game has already shifted downward to 6. This is going to be a tough game. Of course, if we need any more proof, we could always ask USF. They’re probably too busy trying to put the bandwagon back together.

To kick off Rutgers week, I have acquired a confidential copy of our game-plan for this Saturday. Shhhh! Don’t tell anyone I let you watch this…

(Much more coming later today…)

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