It’s … University of West Central Florida Week?

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It’s South (West-Central) Florida Week


While the real south Florida — aka Miami — is known for some of the hottest and surgically enhanced women on the planet, USF has it’s fair share of lookers. Unfortunately, most of the rest of the crowd looks like a roving band of carnies — and smell like it too.

Though, we always try and focus on the positive here. Especially wanna-be Jenn Stergers.

Oh wait, that IS Jenn Sterger. What the fuck is she doing cheering for USF?

This One’s For You Delbert


Despite Delbert Alvarado’s attempt at either the worst kicking performance of all-time or the most ill-conceived point shaving scandal in history — sweet fancy Moses, 4 missed field goals! — South Florida has beaten #17 ranked Auburn at Auburn.

This is good on so many levels: for USF’s 12 year old program, the Big EAST, knocking the SEC down a level, making fun of Aubarn, etc.

Just wanted to take a moment and give dap for USF’s big, big win. When the football schedules came out in the spring, this is one of those games that I certainly had circled. Great job going out and getting it done.

BIG. EAST. FOOTBALL.

This One’s For You Delbert


Despite Delbert Alvarado’s attempt at either the worst kicking performance of all-time or the most ill-conceived point shaving scandal in history — sweet fancy Moses, 4 missed field goals! — South Florida has beaten #17 ranked Auburn at Auburn.

This is good on so many levels: for USF’s 12 year old program, the Big EAST, knocking the SEC down a level, making fun of Aubarn, etc.

Just wanted to take a moment and give dap for USF’s big, big win. When the football schedules came out in the spring, this is one of those games that I certainly had circled. Great job going out and getting it done.

BIG. EAST. FOOTBALL.

Breaking: University Of South Florida Not In South Florida


This is going to be an interactive exercise. Take a look at the map above.

If you’re not a complete retard, you can differentiate between north and south, east and west. Some of you more advanced readers can distinguish a place in between some of those directions, such as central. The most advanced (we’re looking at you Communications majors) can come with up with such abstract concepts such as northeastern or west-central.

Now look back to the map. Find Miami (hint: it’s in the bottom right-handed corner). Miami is in the part of Florida called “south Florida.” Can you say “south Florida?” Good.

This time, find Jacksonville. Did you find it? Good. Jacksonville is in the part of Florida called “hell.” Can you say “hell?” Great. Sometimes, to be polite, we refer to “hell” as “north Florida.” Remember, if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all, and that includes hurling obscenities at residents of hell…err, Jacksonville. Also, Jacksonville has it’s fair share of good things, too, like liquor stores and cut-off jean shorts. So be nice!

OK, so now we’ve found both north Florida and south Florida. This is where it gets tricky. Be sure to put on your thinking caps before we get started.

Find Tampa. If you need help, it’s on the west (read: left) coast of Florida. See it there right in the middle of the state? Nice work. Well, since Miami is in southern Florida and Jacksonville is in northern Florida, where is Tampa? Well, Tampa is in West-Central Florida. From Tampa to Jacksonville, it is 224 miles. But from Tampa to Miami, it is 283 miles. Which is longer? 283 miles, fantastic. You guys are smart.

So, what if I told you that the University of South Florida was not in Miami, but instead in Tampa? Remember, Tampa is closer to Jacksonville than Miami. You’d be surprised, wouldn’t you? Me too. You might even think to yourself that people from USF were fucking retarded, wouldn’t you? Me too.

Well, that’s all for today, class. Things to take away from today:

1) People from Tampa and USF don’t own maps and wouldn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground.
2) Jacksonville is white-trash.