Seriously, Why Can’t They All Be ‘Nova Girls?

First off, let’s meet our author. This is Emmett Fitzpatrick:

Looks decent enough. From outside Chicago, so I have no beef there. Though he is an English major, so we should go into this thinking that just touching a girl’s leg is an accomplishment.

The reason we’re meeting our boy Emmett is because he wrote a piece for the Villanova student newspaper entitled, “I wish they all could be Villanova girls.” (This is what you find when you’re looking for hump day material.) I was intrigued enough to read the entire thing. Now, I kind of wish that I hadn’t.

Here are some excerpts on just why, exactly, Mr. Fitzpatrick wants all girls to be “Villanova girls:”

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Frankly, There Are No Words…

Louisville QB Hunter Cantwell

…except these…

If you’re scoring at home — and I know that you are — that’s Louisville QB Hunter Cantwell = 1 … bullfrogs, basic human dignity, and man’s continued evolution from primates = 0.


And Now For Something Completely Different

We have been way too serious on here for the past few weeks. Then again, the subject matter has been pretty serious, so you’ll have to forgive us. Still, every once in awhile, we need to remember why we started this site: for the love of the game. And nothing says “love of the game” quite like a video of Mack Brown’s stepson somehow being dumber than Mack Brown.


[Awful Announcing]

What Everyone Thinks Of Bobby Petrino

Maybe If They Could Tackle, This Wouldn’t Happen…

In a story that in no way surprises me, Nebraska defensive coordinator Kevin Cosgrove is receiving death threats from the Husker faithful.

LINCOLN, Neb. — University of Nebraska police are looking for a man who left two threatening voicemail messages for Cornhuskers defensive coordinator Kevin Cosgrove.

According to court documents obtained Wednesday, one expletive-laced message suggested Cosgrove go back “where you came from you … before I … kill ya.”

Not exactly the most intimidating threat I have ever heard, and I’ve heard plenty. And where, exactly, did Mr. Cosgrove come from? Well, he played ball at Illinois Benedictine College before transferring to Wisconsin-Oshkosh. Immediately before joining the Nebraska staff, Cosgrove was the defensive coordinator at Wisconsin. Usually, telling someone to go back to the state of Wisconsin or they’ll be killed is quite rude, but since it’s Nebraska, he might be doing him a favor.

[image courtesy of Corn Nation]

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File Under Amazingly Obvious

You know, some guys just can’t catch a break. Today, Louisville dismissed oft-troubled linebacker Willie Williams after his arrest on marijuana possession.

Williams, who was brought in as a high-risk recruit with the personal blessing of athletic director Tom Jurich, was charged with possession of marijuana, felony tampering with physical evidence and driving without a license. The high school All-American gained infamy for his long criminal record as a teenager that included 11 arrests, which derailed his intention of playing football at Miami.

Louisville police arrested the 6-3, 230-pound Williams after he was stopped for driving a car with the music playing too loudly, said Louisville police spokesman Phil Russell.

A detective searched the car and found Williams trying to hide a small amount of marijuana, Russell said.

“He basically had the marijuana in his mouth,” said Russell, who would not release the identities of the others in the car because they were not arrested. Several other schools passed on Williams, but after attending West Los Angeles Community College, the Cardinals took a chance on him. Williams was given a set of disciplinary guidelines to adhere to by Jurich. He failed to live up to them.

No shit he failed to live up to them. I guess trying to swallow your stash of construda didn’t quite meet UL’s code of conduct.

Props to Willie for thinking on his feet, though. Not many people would think to eat your weed. This type of ingenuity and quick-thinking should help him during his 5 years in prison.

Watch out for your corn-hole, Willie.