Best Of WBGV: I’m Gonna Come At You Like A Spider Monkey!

Note: This piece originally ran on January, 4, 2008, after our amazing bowl win against Oklahoma. The fact that I still believe almost every word of this probably makes a lot of you very mad. BITE ME

The Man

When I got a text around 5:30 a.m. yesterday morning stating that Head Coach Bill Stewart, “HCBS”, got the job I was asleep. When I woke up and could fully comprehend what this meant, I smacked myself in the forehead. The initial reaction was, “Are Garrison and Pastilong on their periods?” Because this seemed like an emotional hire that didn’t make a whole lot of sense.

While I may be known for flipping out, about once every hour, I decided to stop and really think about HCBS. It was a hell of a game but can he get it done for an entire season? Does he have enough experience and wherewithal to handle everything being a head coach at a big school entails? Why was his record so bad at VMI?

Then, HCBS started speaking at his press conference and I was sold. While I was filled with emotion, not completely sober, and was all hopped up on Mountain Dew, every sentence made me a believer. I could now understand why the players love Smilin’ Bill from New Martinsville so much.

He truly loves West “BY GOD” Virginia, West Virginia University, and all his players. You can see the emotion on his face and hear it in his voice. HCBS is a sincere man that will treat the young adults in this football program like they are his own kids. What parent would not want their child in that type of environment?

Remember, Rodriguez lucked into White, Slaton, and Schmitt. Our recent success, the national exposure of the Big East, and a high powered spread offense that throws the ball down field will peak the interest of big time recruits. All HCBS needs to do after that is be himself and we will continue to land the Noel Devines of the world.

This may not be the “splash” hire everyone was looking for, but we Mountaineers are different. When Asshole Rich Rodriguez, “ARR”, left what were we all screaming: Where is his loyalty? Does he have any integrity? Just be honest with us you (expletive of your choice)? We will never have to ask those questions of HCBS as he has already won as many BCS bowl games as ARR.

I just want to end this glowing endorsement of our new coach by asking a simple question: what would you give to see the Mountaineers win the National Championship? I know I would give almost anything to see that happen and HCBS gives us the best chance to win it next year.

If he becomes Larry Coker after that then so damn be it, because Coker was not that bad. Check out his bio here (Larry Coker) and tell me you would not take those results. Stop criticizing right now and just wait for the results. I feel deep down inside that we will all be very happy with what transpires.

He is down home and folksy and there absolutely nothing wrong with those qualities. Smilin’ Bill from New Martinsville is my coach and I could not be happier or more proud to be a Mountaineer.

4 Responses

  1. Great Article!!

  2. Hey, will we get a Best of Hump Day?

    If this is the last Hump Day for WBGV then it should go out as the greatest one yet. Just my thoughts.

  3. Way to ruin the surprise BurghMountaineer.

    5th Year Senior is hard at work, looking up hardcore porn at his mom’s house as we speak.

  4. Sorry man. I just needed a pick me up, and thought I’d ask.

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