Ralph Friedgen: An Exclusive Interview

This is truly a joyous day in the short (but illustrious) reign of West BY GOD Virginia. Today, we are proud to bring you an exclusive interview with Maryland Head Coach Ralph Friedgen. This is a major coup for us, so I hope you’re excited about it as I am. Enjoy.

Charley West: First off, Mr. Friedgen, thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to sit down with us. For a fledgling college football blog, this is a really big honor.

Ralph Friedgen: Not a problem, glad to be here.

CW: Now Ralph, what are your thoughts going into this Thursday’s nationally televised home game with the West Virginia Mountaineers?

RF: I think I was promised lunch.

CW: Yes, sir, lunch is on its way. They’re usually pretty punctual.

RF: No, I know I was promised lunch.

CW: As I said, lunch is on its way. Roasted chicken on a bed of fettuccini alfredo/chocolate cake, right?

RF: MMMMMM.

CW: It might not look like much, but these seats are actually leather, so if you could just avoid drooling on them.

RF: Why are we doing this in your car again?

CW: Moving on… Like I said coach, what are your thoughts on the game this Thursday?

RF: Well, if I remember correctly, we won 3 out of 4 quarters last year, so I feel pretty confident this year.

CW: Yes, I remember you saying that after the game. But you lost that first quarter 123-10.

RF: I don’t think it was that bad,

CW: Even so, you guys got blown out.

RF: Yeah, but now that Pat White and Steve Slaton have graduated, we should be fine.

CW: Actually, Ralph, both White and Slaton are back this year. In fact, they’re still just juniors.

RF: Fuck.

CW: What was that?

RF: Nothing, I sneezed.

CW: If my memory serves me, you actually recruited Steve Slaton. In fact, he had verballed to your program. Then, at the last minute, you pulled his scholarship. In his freshman season, Slaton rushed for…

RF: Actually…

CW: Excuse me, I’m not done yet. As I was saying, he rushed for 1128 yards as a true freshman. Last year, as just a sophomore, he ran for 1744 yards and finished 4th in the Heisman voting. This year, he was a pre-season All-American and front-runner for the Doak Walker and Heisman throphies.

RF: What’s your point?

CW: Well, Ralph, in hindsight, do you think it was a good idea to pull Slaton’s scholarship?

RF: Probably not.

CW: Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

RF: In my defense, we really needed to clear a spot for RB Morgan Green.

CW: How has he done so far?

RF: Hasn’t played a down.

CW: Good call on that one Ralph. OK, let’s switch gears. How pumped do you think Byrd Stadium will be on Thursday night?

RF: Pretty damn pumped. Maryland has the best football fans in the country.

CW: Really?

RF: No. That’s a lie.

CW: Yeah, that makes more sense.

RF: Probably like the 80th best fans. Wait, is North Texas good this year, because that could make a difference?

CW: Ralph, they play in the Sun Belt.

RF: Even so, I hear good things.

CW: For someone who has been so arrogant about Maryland football and your own coaching abilities in the past, this is certainly a change in tune.

RF: Yeah, that was all smoke and mirrors. I actually faked a good deal of my resume. Remember where it says I worked as quarterbacks coach for the Chargers?

CW: Yes?

RF: Yeah, I was actually in prison. I don’t really want to get into it.

CW: You know just admitting that will probably get you fired?

RF: You think they’ll do it before Thursday? I really don’t want to play the Mountaineers.

Big round of applause for Ralph Friedgen for agreeing to the interview and putting little ‘ol West BY GOD Virginia on the map.

What Do Pitt Football And This Monstrosity Have In Common?

Ladies and gentlemen, shield your eyes. In good conscience, I can’t say that Pitt football is worse than this. That would be a lie.

Let’s just say they are equally as bad.

It’s Maryland Week!

Expect fat jokes.

Note: Friedgen not depicted to actual size.

It’s Maryland Week!

Expect fat jokes.

Note: Friedgen not depicted to actual size.

Rutgers Is New To This Whole "Football" Thing

Sure they played in the first collegiate game ever. So what? That was like 500 years ago. If I remember correctly, and I think most of my memory is still intact after 7 years in Morgantown, Rutgers used to suck at football. Really, really suck. Hell, in 2001, we beat them 80-7…and that was a WVU team that won 3 games. Between 1996 and 2004, they won 23 games. Really, really the opposite of good.

Here’s what I want you to take away from all of this: remember Duke? Steve Spurrier turned around an awful Duke team and won the ACC championship in 1989. He then immediately bolted for Florida. Greg Schiano has turned around an awful Rutgers team, getting very close to winning the Big EAST championship. While he turned down Miami this off-season, don’t think for a second that an upscale program in less disarray won’t attract Schiano (cough, Penn State, cough). They are one coaching change away from going right back to being Duke…or worse than Duke.

If you want, just print this posting out, fold it up neatly, and carry it in your pocket. When you encounter a Rutgers fan, just pull it out and use it as a nifty cheat sheet to shut them the fuck up. When they talk about leaving the Big EAST for the Big Ten/Eleven (will never happen) or beating WVU (has happened 4 times since 1916), make sure you have some ammunition to put them in their place.

Unless it’s the big fat guy with his chest painted, which in that case you run like hell lest you become his dinner.