It’s East Carolina Week!

The Labor Day drunk holiday is now over and we can finally focus on East Carolina.

Those queer, gay, effeminate, flamboyant, football-playing pirates to the south just made this game a ton more relevant. Their win over Virginia Tech, besides giving me a visible erection on my way into the stadium, has made this game the best of the coming weekend.

All week, all the media outlets will tempt us with ECU being the hot new pick for a BCS buster. We will hear nothing but this for an entire week. ECU fans will start to believe it — if they haven’t already. They will begin to believe that the unthinkable will happen. The home crowd will be confident walking into Dowdy-Ficklen Stadium.

And then WVU will crush their soul.

And we will be there to see it. And we will spend the next week talking about. And we will be ending this post………………now.

A Trip In The Wayback Machine

Set your dials all the way back to this past Saturday.

Sure it’s USF week, but that doesn’t mean we can’t properly enjoy the beatdown of another three letter school (ECU) for a few more days.

PS: dougity dog, by far, makes the best WVU videos on the Internet. I am about 3 more awesome videos from having him put together a highlight reel of my wedding, set to Tupac of course.

PPS: I’m not married.

Rest In Pieces

• Louisville’s dignity
• Pitt’s football season
• Brian Brohm’s Heisman campaign
• Casey Clausen’s anal virginity
• Pat White’s one game “slump”
• Dave Wannstedt’s employment
• This guy’s chance at ever getting laid:

• Syracuse’s 47 game losing streak
• My liver
• Penn State’s fraud of a ranking
• Nick Saban’s arrogance
• ECU’s defense/offense/special teams
• WVU only being 3-0

Been in Morgantown all weekend. Now, finally back, I am still trying (in vain) to recover from the festivities. See you tomorrow for tons of updates.

4-0.

Lou Holtz: An Excluthive Interview

This week, in the lead up to the East Carolina game, we contacted Head Coach Skip Holtz to sit down for an interview with us here in our WBGV studios. Unfortunately, Coach Holtz was unavailable due to a busy schedule alternating between game-planning for WVU’s offense and puking.

Lucky for us, Coach Holtz suggested a suitable alternative for our interview: his father, Lou Holtz.

Let the awesomeness begin:

Charley West: Coach Holtz, it truly is an honor to interview you. Again, thanks for stopping by.

Lou Holtz: Yur welcom, Charley Weth.

CW: Actually, it’s pronounced West.

LH: Thath wath I thaid, Weth.

CW: Right… So, Coach Holtz, how do you like your gig on ESPN?

LH: O, I luv E-ETH-P-N. They are tho nice to me. Giving me the upportunitee to give my famouth pep talkth.

CW: Yeah, we have really been enjoying those over the past few weeks. We especially enjoyed your quip about playing USC over UCLA because it was easier to spell…

LH: Wath a kwip?

CW: Like a joke.

LH: I wathnt joking.

CW: Alrighty then. How do you like ECU’s chances this weekend against WVU?

LH: Wath? Too many letterth.

CW: E-C-U is your son’s team, and W-V-U is the #5 team in the nation.

LH: O yea, I lub Skip.

CW: Lub? What the hell does that…ohh, love. Got it now. We’re sure you do love your son Lou, but what about his football team?

LH: E-THEE-U ith a tough team to beat. They like to cometh up running the foothball.

CW: Actually, they’re a passing team, Lou.

LH: Whathever. I don’t watch the gameth.

CW: You don’t watch your own son’s games?

LH: I hav to practith my pep talkth in front of a mirror for hourth before I go on E-ETH-P-N. Thath why they’re tho good.

Usually, we take this moment to thank our guest for his time. Unfortunately, between wiping our face free of spittle and interpreting the text of Coach Holtz’s interview, we just don’t have the energy.

Picks To Click: ARGH Edition

I have no idea why talking like a pirate is so damn fun. Maybe it’s because of the promise of promiscuous sex and liquored nights that being a pirate brings. Who knows. If you want promiscuous sex and liquored nights, just back to undergrad. At least at WVU.

Either way, I was completely out commission yesterday for National Talk Like a Pirate Day…. which would have been a disappointment if it were a better holiday, like Flag Day. Talk about drunk.

Anyways, here are this week’s picks:

Stiles

Well another Saturday is upon us. Looks to be a beautiful one too. Of course, it won’t matter. I won’t be going to the game. Anywhoo, a couple things that I’ve learned about the Pirates under Skip Holtz over the years are: 1. They’re a tough pyshical team. 2. They aren’t that good offensively.

So, you add that up and I expect a tough, physical game where ECU limits a lot of what WVU does, but can’t hang the points to be a real threat.

In other words:

WVU (-24) 34
ECU 13

Baylor -3.5 vs. Buffalo (editor’s note: if you bet on this game, you have a serious problem)
Indiana +2.5 vs. Illinois
FAU -6.5 @ North Texas (editor’s note: much more serious than I first thought)
Texas Tech -6 @ Oklahoma State
Oklahoma -23 @ Tulsa

Charley West

For some reason, ECU plays us pound-for-pound tougher than most schools. They might not have the talent of Louisville or South Florida, but they sure bring it when it comes to the WVU game.

With this offense, it’s tough to envision someone shutting us down for 60 minutes. Actually, I think it can’t be done. Or if it can, we might not see that type of team until the National Championship game. But ECU will most likely hang around in that 14 point deficit kind of way.

I would never bet against the Mountaineers, but I will pick against them in this game.

WVU (-24) 35
ECU 13

South Florida -14.5 vs. North Carolina
Texas Tech -6 @ Oklahoma State
Clemson -7.5 @ NC State
Arkansas -6 vs. Kentucky (best bet)
UCLA -5.5 vs. Washington

Not Enjoying National Talk Like A Pirate Day

If you’re wondering why you haven’t seen any posts today, it’s because I’m on my death bed and Stiles is lazy. Actually, I’m not on my death bed, but I am pretty sick. Stiles IS lazy, though.

So have fun on National Talk Like A Pirate Day. But be responsible! If you’ve had too much yo ho ho and a bottle of rum, designate a pirate captain to get you home safe.

Blimey, Begad, Doubloon… And Other Jibberish

Tomorrow is National Talk Like a Pirate day. I have actually been observing this holiday since the mid 70s, which was actually both before I was born and before this fake holiday was invented. What can I say, I’m a fan. Just to be safe, I am giving everyone the heads up today because you’ll need a full 24 hours to properly prepare for this glorious day.

To get you started, here is a glossary of pirate terms. These words can be used together in any order, as pirates generally never made sense. Also, here is an installment of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey:

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

OK, so you’ve got the glossary and the Deep Thoughts. Throw on an eye patch, contract syphilis and scurvy and you should be ready to go.

It’s ECU Week

PS: In case you didn’t know, that second picture is a cream puff. Get it? GET IT?

Tailgate For Jesus

OK, first, watch the video.

What you just saw was a “promotional” video for Campus Crusade for Christ’s tailgate at ECU games. Notice the quotes around promotional. Which means I was being sarcastic.

But OK, so they have a bad tailgate. And a bad/terrible/awful/nuclear holocaust of a video promoting it. So what? Well, read the description of the video on YouTube:

Tailgating for ECU football games has become an artform for ECU Campus Crusade students. It’s all fun and games in the parking lot, but once we step foot in Dowdy Ficklen Stadium, it’s all business. We must win. We will win. We are pirates. That means we’re willing to cheat if we have to.

Yes, that’s right, they’re willing to cheat. Campus Crusade for Christ is willing to cheat. Jesus must be extremely proud. Argh!