Dr. Dre Drops Some Knowledge

Today, the WVU College of Law hosted a panel discussion entitled, “Rodriguez Law,” discussing the legal topics involved in the case. Professors Tom Cady, Vince Cardi, and ‘dre cummings (ed. — yes, it’s in all lower-case letters) spoke on the topics of tort law, contract law, and NCAA institutional control.

When asked for their opinions on whether WVU would be able to recover the full 4 million dollars from Rodriguez, all three professors agreed that the matter would likely be settled out of court in order to avoid costly litigation.

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Touchdown! Finger Blasting!

Man, that headline has it all. And so do the pictures. Apparently, after UK had scored to go up 7-0 in the first quarter against Florida, the general rules of decorum were suspended briefly at Commonwealth Stadium.

Take it away, lucky Deadspin reader (only kinda NSFW):

Here’s the deal. 8:00 mark, 1st quarter, UK up a touchdown. Most people celebrate with high-fives and rocksplosions.

But the couple in front of me…not so much. They celebrate by straight up finger-banging. that’s how we roll in the bluegrass.

My girlfriend alerted me first of this hot public action. Then the chick to my left elbowed me pointing with disgust at the table-turning in the pants. (Apparently women can hear other women’s belt buckle coming undone.)

Then, basically, me and 32 others in the section watched with shock-and-awe for the next 3 minutes as this M.I.L.F. got her shit on.

Oh. Hell. Yes. I may be a lot of things, but I am most definitely a man that would unabashedly marvel at a girl getting fingered at a football game. I might would absolutely borrow an older gentleman’s binoculars just to get a better look. This is the best story of the year, by far.

At the same time, though, it makes me sad. There I was, busy checking things off my “Fucking Awesome Things To Do At A Football Game” list and now I have to add something to the bottom. Oh well, I’m still young.

Ballhype – Touchdown! Finger Blasting!
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Go Gators; Or Alternatively: What The F–k…?

This is the single most disturbing video I have ever seen in my entire life, and I’m a regular viewer of all things Tub Girl. That’s saying something.

Either way, there’s only one way this video is legit: right after the video stops rolling, this guy turns those jeans into cut-offs. Then he’s a real Gator fan.

[courtesy of Let’s Go Drink Some Beers]

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Business In The Front…

Here is the urbandictionary.com submission I just made for the “Kentucky Waterfall”…

kentucky waterfall
The ultimate in hair-styling excellence. Classic business in the front look transitions gracefully into a party in the back waterfall, Kentucky style. Usually accompanied by Little E t-shirt, jean shorts, conviction record, beaten wife, and no more than 9 teeth.

Not to be confused with the Kentucky Virgin, though the two are not mutually exclusive.

Example: The front of my Kentucky Waterfall says I work at the local Sunoco, but the back says I am addicted to meth.

Source: Charley West, Charleston

[photo courtesy of Matt]

Pitt Used To Be Good At Football

…and Britney Spears used to not be a whore. Actually, she always was a whore, it just hadn’t surfaced yet. Just like Pitt.

Breaking: University Of South Florida Not In South Florida

This is going to be an interactive exercise. Take a look at the map above.

If you’re not a complete retard, you can differentiate between north and south, east and west. Some of you more advanced readers can distinguish a place in between some of those directions, such as central. The most advanced (we’re looking at you Communications majors) can come with up with such abstract concepts such as northeastern or west-central.

Now look back to the map. Find Miami (hint: it’s in the bottom right-handed corner). Miami is in the part of Florida called “south Florida.” Can you say “south Florida?” Good.

This time, find Jacksonville. Did you find it? Good. Jacksonville is in the part of Florida called “hell.” Can you say “hell?” Great. Sometimes, to be polite, we refer to “hell” as “north Florida.” Remember, if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all, and that includes hurling obscenities at residents of hell…err, Jacksonville. Also, Jacksonville has it’s fair share of good things, too, like liquor stores and cut-off jean shorts. So be nice!

OK, so now we’ve found both north Florida and south Florida. This is where it gets tricky. Be sure to put on your thinking caps before we get started.

Find Tampa. If you need help, it’s on the west (read: left) coast of Florida. See it there right in the middle of the state? Nice work. Well, since Miami is in southern Florida and Jacksonville is in northern Florida, where is Tampa? Well, Tampa is in West-Central Florida. From Tampa to Jacksonville, it is 224 miles. But from Tampa to Miami, it is 283 miles. Which is longer? 283 miles, fantastic. You guys are smart.

So, what if I told you that the University of South Florida was not in Miami, but instead in Tampa? Remember, Tampa is closer to Jacksonville than Miami. You’d be surprised, wouldn’t you? Me too. You might even think to yourself that people from USF were fucking retarded, wouldn’t you? Me too.

Well, that’s all for today, class. Things to take away from today:

1) People from Tampa and USF don’t own maps and wouldn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground.
2) Jacksonville is white-trash.