What Is That Smell?

Normally, West Virginia ships its trash to New Jersey but this Saturday the trash will be sent back our way as Rutgers visits Morgantown. The Schiano Knights are coming off a HUGE win against FCS opponent Morgan State. Now that is a win you can build your program around.

Rutgers has never won in Morgantown and look to continue that tradition by building on its 1-3 season record with a loss to the Mountaineers on Saturday. While I will not be in attendance I can picture the scene now.

Wavy lines and that doooodoooodooodooodooodooo noise….
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Rutgers Football: We Barely Knew ‘Ye

Big Weekend For Big East

Tonight is very important for the Big East. Counter to internet rumors the Big East and Playboy will not be announcing a patnership to test the idea of naked cheerleaders on the sideline. Some bullshit about family friendly environments was the stumbling block between the parties. To me, this would have presented a great opportunity to begin the birds and bees discussion.

Rather, the importance of tonight for the Big East lies in the matchup of Rutgers v. UNC. This is an opportunity for a middle tier Big East team to destroy a middle tier ACC team on national TV. As much talk as there has been about the dominance of the SEC. There has been equal discussion on how bad the ACC and Big East has been so far this season. This is the first match-up of a weekend with some huge OOC games for Big East teams.

In the spirit of kicking my crack habit and Big East togetherness I will do a live blog during tonight’s game. So stop in for commentary on everything from hot cheerleaders to how much people from New Jersey smell. Also, if you’re a betting man take Rutgers at -4.

Rutgers Student Gameday Diary!

9:00 a.m. Why the fuck is it so loud outside, who is this skank beside me, and why the fuck am I wet? Oh shit, I pissed the bed again, “MAAAAA.” I’m at school my ma isn’t here…don’t cry think. This skank isn’t up yet so I’m going to roll her ass to the wet side and blame this on her.

9:15 Damn this girl is fat what was I thinking? Oh yeah, I can’t do any better than this I go to Rutgers. Hey skank wake up you pissed the bed. Get the hell out.

9:30 Shit dawg, we play those hillbillies from western Virginia today. Time to get ready

11:30 That didn’t take as long as I thought and I look good. All black today and I look good. I hope I put enough gel and hairspray in my hair to hold up to the rain. Someone get me a Heineken and a Red Bull.

11:31 I’m already fucking hammered drunk and ready to rage in that stadium. CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP

11:32 I’m so drunk I just threw up off the deck. When are we going to the club? Fuck, I meant stadium I’m so drunk I can’t even think straight.

12:15 GAME TIME BITCHES! I’m actually matching the team today that is sssuppperrr. CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP

12:30 I’m wetter now than I was this morning in my bed. We better score a touchdown soon or I’m going to be pissed. These rednecks are fast but we can chop wood.

12:35 Damn, they scored. Roid rage building.

12:57 Damn, they scored again. Roid rage building. We need to do something so I can use all the redneck jokes like are you married to your fuckin’ sister.

1:45 17 – 3 at half this sucks my left nut which is small because I do steroids but the fat chicks love muscle.

3:15 We just lost again to those fucking hillbillies and I can’t control the roid rage. I’m going to beat some mountaineers’ ass. Yo, sister fucker, fuck your momma or your wife whatever that fat cow is walking beside you. Let’s rumble!

4:30 Where am I? My head hurts and I’m bleeding. I just got knocked the fuck out!

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Karma’s A Bitch!

Returning home yesterday from the mall, karma reared its ugly head. I, for some unknown reason, decided to STOP at a stop sign. The car behind me decided to keep going and then BOOM, let’s call the driver “Tiffany.”

Because I’m such a calm and easy going guy, I got out of the car and politely asked, “What the FUCK are you doing?” She was still yapping it up on her cell phone until she saw steam come out of my ears. This is when she did what any girl would do and started to CRY.

As a guy we are supposed to comfort crying girls but she hit my car and I was not calming down. She was loud, had big hair, HUGE hoop earrings, and was driving her daddy’s beamer. Actually she was wearing sweats, had her hair in a pony tail, and was driving a Taurus.

Then she backed up her car and I saw her front license plate, NEW JERSEY. This made me laugh, look up into the rain, and say, “Damn Karma’s a bitch.” Luckily, there was only a slight dent and yours truly is uninjured.

Some would stop making fun of people from Jersey after this incident, but I’m going to carry you for you loyal readers.

Jersey Alarm Clock

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Sleep With Me Instead

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Why Jersey?

If you live in New Jersey I have to ask you one question, why? Why, would you put yourself through the smell and high probability of contracting a STD by simply breathing?

Yes, you may be able to find hair gel and CK One cologne on every street corner, but it is New Jersey. People get stabbed for their K-Swiss shoes everyday. This person is your next door neighbor.

I bet people in New Jersey hate the fact that they live there too. If only there were a college to do a study about this fact. Oh wait, there is.

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