Program in Meltdown: Pitt

Note: This is part three of a four part series. Parts one (Louisville) and two (Syracuse) ran yesterday. Part four (Rutgers) debuts later today.

If that picture doesn’t do it for you, let me list all the reasons why Pitt sucks:

• Dave Wannstedt
• Dave Wannstedt
• Dave Wannstedt
• Dave Wannstedt
• Dave Wannstedt
• Dave Wannstedt
• Dave Wannstedt
• Dave Wannstedt
• Dave Wannstedt
• Dave Wannstedt

Yesterday Certainly Didn’t Suck

At the very least, we beat Villanova yesterday. That should be reward in itself. But, as I see it, yesterday was a pretty damn good day.

• Bowling Green 27, Pitt 17
• Utah 25, Michigan 23
• East Carolina 27, Virginia Tech 22

That’s a full day of orgasmic defeats and upsets.  So while you’re busy bitching about the defense, just remember yesterday was a good day for the Mountaineers.  Think any of those three teams listed above would trade places with us?

Pitt’s Tricky Gameplan Not All That Tricky

Pitt, fresh off its upset victory over WVU third consecutive season without a bowl, has decided to ramp up their offense. How, you ask? Simple: take carries away from one of the most heralded running backs in the country, LaSean McCoy.

In a word, brilliant. I can’t wait to see how successful this turns out.

“The reality is we have two starting tailbacks,” Pitt running backs coach David Walker said. “They are both going to play a lot and they are both going to play together at times because when we put them out there together it opens up a whole new challenge for defenses trying to stop us.”

Actually, it really doesn’t. All defenses have to do is cover LaSean McCoy and leave Stephens-Howling wide open. Seems pretty simple to me.

What I Would Do To Wannstedt

Before:

Fire Dave Wannstedt, Or Not…

I’m not wrong. I swear.For the past few months, I have been championing the effort to “Save Dave” Wannstedt. It stood to reason that as long as Wannstedt continued to coach Pitt, WVU would continue to beat Pitt. Well, that obviously wasn’t 100% true. I apologize for that. But as I said above, I’m not wrong.

We Saved Dave; WVU Now 2-0 In 2008

Yes, boys and girls, our persistent efforts have payed off. We, single-handedly, “Saved Dave.” Wondering what I’m talking about? Well then, check here. And here.

It was an ambitious undertaking. Imagine the audacity of trying to save the job of one of the worst coaches in the country. A coach who continually recruits pro-level talent and squanders every single bit of it. A coach who’s most redeeming quality is the grooming of his mustache.

Preach, Brother, Preach

Gregg Doyel, despite his name ending with a double G, made a fantastic point about the upcoming Backyard Brawl. He preaches the same gospel that has been contained in nearly every WBGV sermon — namely, that Dave Wannstedt is good for Mountaineer football (anybody remember Save Dave?). Unfortunately, while it’s a good point, if the national media keeps bringing up the awfulness of Wannstedt, well, Pitt might just get the idea to fire him. And we can’t have that.

So, read this, digest it, and then forget it ever happened…

That’s with one more caveat. That’s the thing about this particular college football season: There’s always one more caveat. In this case the caveat is that West Virginia gets past neighborhood-nemesis Pittsburgh on Saturday. But then, that’s a game West Virginia can’t lose for all kinds of reasons. For one thing, halfback Steve Slaton is better than anyone Pittsburgh has, and Slaton is the Mountaineers’ fourth best skill player behind quarterback Pat White, receiver Darius Reynaud and fullback Owen Schmitt. For another, there’s Dave Wannstedt. Unless he’s fired between now and Saturday, he’ll coach Pittsburgh. Which means West Virginia can’t lose.

[Gregg Doyel @ CBS Sportsline]

Groundhog Day: Pitt Football Edition

Do you think Pitt fans wish they had a do-over? Surely, if given the chance to do it all again, they certainly wouldn’t hire Dave Wannstedt. Surely. They might not exactly choose to hold on to Walt Harris, but there had to have been better options. Like maybe Bo Pelini, Sal Sunseri, or Trudy from Facts of Life. Anybody but Dave, right?

Mission: Impossible III

This was two years ago. Has anything changed? Anything at all? Two years ago at Mountaineer Field was a bloodbath.  Last year, WVU goes up to Pitt and basically does the exact same thing. This Saturday, Pitt enters as more than a four touchdown underdog. Wannstedt is as lost as ever, and it doesn’t look there’s any light at the end of the tunnel. A long, dark tunnel.

The Curse of #2?

Want to know why WVU won’t fall victim to the #2 curse of this season?

Yeah, we should be just fine.

Note: Game recap/other shenanigans coming later today.

Wannstedt Tears Achilles, Hilarity Ensues

I’m sorry. If you tell me Dave Wannstedt has torn his Achilles tendon, I’m going to laugh. There’s no way around that. Call me insensitive, call me a dick — I can’t help it. Anything involving Dave Wannstedt short of him getting hit by a bus is hilarious, and even then I would think long and hard about laughing.

This is just too funny. Absolutely nothing can go right for the Oakland Zoo. Wannstedt will be forced to coach from the booth for at least the next game, maybe longer. Is it just me or does anyone else see right through this?

Think about it: time off, coaching from the booth, unplugging his headset. Surely, Pitt is just trying to get the Mustachioed Marauder as far away from this football team as possible. And who could blame them?
Ballhype – Wannstedt Tears Achilles, Hilarity Ensues
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Save Dave, Save The World

Today is a big day in the history of the “Save Dave” campaign. As you know, Save Dave is based upon one single ideal: employing Dave Wannstedt as head coach of Pitt for all of eternity (we believe Wannstedt to be an angel from Mountaineer heaven, hence the eternity part).

Tonight, The Mustache Formerly Known As Wannstedt and his Pitt Panthers take on Navy at 8 PM on national TV. We’re not sure why Pitt is on national TV, but if we’ve done something wrong, this certainly seems the harshest of penalties.

Either way, believe it or not, this is a game we need Pitt to win. Why, you ask? Well, if we are to be graced by Wannstedt’s presence for much longer, he has to actually win some out of conference games. Since this is an out of conference game that in no way affects WVU, why not start here.

Since I can’t in right mind just ask you to support Pitt football — and you know I wouldn’t — I am instead going to bribe you. If you silently cheer for Pitt tonight and at the same time assure the continued success of Mountaineer football, I will personally send you a commemorative “Save Dave” coffee mug, which retails for $5.99 in major department stores across the nation.

And if that’s not enough, I’ll throw in a t-shirt at no additional value. This t-shirt is great for telling the world just how much faith you have in the Wannstedt-era.

So, go my children. Cheer for Pitt, as it is the key to future Mountaineer glory.

UPDATE: If you order in the next ten minutes, you’ll also receive a limited edition “Save Dave” bumper sticker.

NOTE: Look forward to a live blog of the monumental Navy @ Pitt matchup tonight at 8. 5th Year Senior and your main man Charley West will be on the ones and twos.

Save Dave, Day #2

It was a rough night for me. Tossing and turning, knowing that when I woke up, Dave Wannstedt may no longer be the head coach of the University of Pittsburgh.

But when I did rise, I was greeted with good news. Dave lives! Yes, ladies and gentleman, Dave Wannstedt is still employed. Due solely to our efforts — the “Save Dave” campaign — Wannstedt remains coach at Pitt.

I was concerned since they had called a press conference yesterday, but that turned out to only be Dave’s regularly scheduled gibberish dissemination. Whew, they had me scared for a second there.

But remember guys, despite the good news, the fight is not over. We must continue to fight. Please, continue to joke about sending contributions. It’s the only way we can fake build our war chest for this long battle. And it will be a long battle, considering Pitt athletic brass will often feel tempted to fire Dave because of his gross incompetence.

Save Dave

It all started in 2002 B.U. (Before Urban), when a plucky group of Florida fans had the simple dream to get a coach fired. In the years afterward, Fire Ron Zook exploded, becoming the head of an angry mob of Gator fans. While the website might not be singularly responsible, that doesn’t change the fact that Ron Zook was, indeed, fired.

Unfortunately, now, the proliferation of these websites has hit massive proportions. Lose one game and you’re on the hot seat. Lose two games and you have your very own pro-unemployment website. Alabama fans are already (tongue-in cheek?) calling for Coach Nick Saban’s dismissal. Hell, for the low-low price of $250, you can be the proud owner of your own Fire Rich Rodriguez domain.

Well, here at WBGV, we just don’t think this is right. Hell, a lot of these coaches that fans want fired have helped WVU to a ton of victories over the years. We have a vested interest in these coaches collecting a paycheck, regardless of their success or learning disabilities.

That is why we are starting our own grassroots campaign, entitled “Save Dave.” Save Dave is a campaign with one mission and one mission alone: keeping Dave Wannstedt in his job as head coach of the University of Pittsburgh.

As head coach of Pitt, Wannstedt has single-handedly taken the Panthers from inherited BCS talent to top 5 recruiting classes to losing to Ohio and UConn. He has also lost to WVU every year he has been at Pitt. Because of this, Dave Wannstedt is my best friend. And everybody wants to see their best friend in a high-paying job. And there are few jobs more high-paying than head coach of a BCS football program.

You, like me, want to see Dave Wannstedt as head coach. Don’t blindly go along with the masses and accept his eventual firing. Fight the man! Keep this bumbling idiot as head coach. We at WBGV are willing to pay his salary if need be…anything to keep this mustachioed, brain-dead, shell of a man as head coach of the Pitt Panthers.

Will you join us?

Will you help “Save Dave”…?

Oakland Is In Flames

Pitt football is in a sorry state. Sure, we make fun of them win or lose, but to up and get blown out by UConn is really doing my job for me. Like shooting fish in a barrel, if that’s your thing. I’m not much of a sportsman.

This has been especially hard (or fun to watch) on Pitt fans as a group. As an example, the friendly people over at Pitt Blather are really starting to unravel emotionally. I feel that this is pretty indicative of Panthers fans as a whole. Let’s consider, for a moment, the five stages of grief as they relate to Pitt football:

1. Denial. This has been happening since day 1 of the Wannstedt-era. The highly rated recruiting classes were the #1 culprit. Every year, Pitt fans would tout their newest acquisitions as the sole reason why Pitt football would be back on the map. “Sure you beat us by 40 this year, but we just signed Joe Montana and Lawrence Taylor.” Everything was in the future for Pitt fans. Nothing ever happened in the present. Except losses.
2. Anger. Early on, the recruiting classes and Wannstedt’s resume were enough to get Pitt fans through the night. That all changed last year. As the losses mounted, the natives started getting restless. Continually missing bowl games, amazingly lackluster attendance, and getting spanked by WVU every year were starting to take their toll. Pitt fans were officially upset.
3. Bargaining. Two words: Pat Bostick. Two more words: LaSean McCoy. Pitt fans invested their entire lives into these kids. “I promise I’ll start going to games if Bostick/McCoy signs. We’ll be awesome if that happens.” Classic bargaining.
4. Depression. I believe depression officially set-in this past weekend against UConn. There was false hope as the team opened up the season 2-0. But an anemic offensive performance against Michigan State and an embarrassment against UConn were enough to make mustachioed West-Penners slit their wrists.
5. Acceptance. This brings us back to Pitt Blather. They have finally accepted their fate of Pitt football as it currently stands, or sits, or cowers in the fetal position. Many Pitt fans probably haven’t reached this stage of defeat yet, but they will in due time. Because right now, they’re just fooling themselves.

It’s almost sad to see what Pitt football has become. Almost. While WVU is aiming at the highest reaches of college football, Pitt is begging for spare change from the UConns of the world. If you’re a Pitt fan, it’s enough to make you puke.

Then again, just being a Pitt fan is enough to make me puke.