Seriously, Why Can’t They All Be ‘Nova Girls?

First off, let’s meet our author. This is Emmett Fitzpatrick:

Looks decent enough. From outside Chicago, so I have no beef there. Though he is an English major, so we should go into this thinking that just touching a girl’s leg is an accomplishment.

The reason we’re meeting our boy Emmett is because he wrote a piece for the Villanova student newspaper entitled, “I wish they all could be Villanova girls.” (This is what you find when you’re looking for hump day material.) I was intrigued enough to read the entire thing. Now, I kind of wish that I hadn’t.

Here are some excerpts on just why, exactly, Mr. Fitzpatrick wants all girls to be “Villanova girls:”